When Kids Are Self-Centered

A Parenting Tip by Dr. Scott Turansky  - December 8, 2005 - Used by permission

At least part of the solution for a child's selfishness is to learn how to be a servant. Our culture tends to not like that term, but any good employer, mate, or team player knows how to give up his/her agenda for others at times. That's servanthood.

Children need to learn how to be servants. It's not an elective; it's a required course. Learning to be a servant will help children be better employees, better mates, and even better parents. It may be helpful to make servanthood a focus for a week or a month in your home. You might create a poster giving a working definition of servanthood that goes something like this:

Seeking to overcome self-centeredness by looking for ways to help and care for others.

You might have everyone in the family memorize a verse from the Bible like Philippians 2:4, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Plan ways that each person can practice being a servant. You are already serving your children in more ways that they probably appreciate. In fact, you might ask your child to serve by taking on one of the tasks you usually do in family life. This gives opportunity for you to model appreciation for service.

A child might plan and prepare a meal for the family for example. That's more work than many children realize. The work required to think of others may be just what some children need to get out of some of their selfish patterns. Of course, those being served often respond with delight and appreciation, the built in reward for servanthood. This kind of role reversal can go a long way to teach children to value others and appreciate the things people do for them.

This parenting tip is taken from the book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids."  If you'd like a personalized action plan for your own parenting, consider meeting with Dr. Scott Turansky in a Phone Coaching Session. Learn more at www.biblicalparenting.org.  Do you know anyone who would benefit from these email parenting tips? Please feel free to forward them on or have people visit www.biblicalparenting.org to sign up for themselves.