Note from Lois: This article was written especially for the "Heart to Heart" newsletter in 2000. Mary-Ann has some very good grandparenting advice, which she puts into practice with her 16 grandchildren, as of 2000. When I included this article once again in 2006, there were 19 grandchildren! She is one of five children of the late Jack and Marge Wyrtzen. She and her husband, Dave, are serving the Lord as missionaries at the Word of Life Bible Institute and Seminary in Brazil.
I remember when my brother, Ron, the youngest of five, was married, my mother kind of sighed that evening and said to my father, "Whew, I guess our job is over now!" My father's reply was, "No, it isn't over. Now we'll be taking 'our exams' in child training by seeing how well we have taught our children to train and raise their children."
We should appreciate the great blessing of grandparenting. Psalm 128:6 indicates this as well as Proverbs 17:6 which says that "children's children are a crown to the aged." I feel very honored to be the grandmother to sixteen grandchildren ages sixteen all the way down to two years of age. As a grandmother I try to share myself with my grandchildren as much as possible. Let me say that we have thirteen of our sixteen grandchildren living within a half a mile of us as our two sons and one son-in-law are missionaries ministering at the Word of Life Seminary in Sao Paulo, Brazil. We have three more grandchildren who live in Ohio in whom we can invest through e-mail, telephone calls and, of course, when we're on furlough or when they come to visit us. Here are some ideas about how to do that.
1. Give them your time. I have Grandma's Day every Friday and the kids love it. This can be done different ways according to the ages and number of children. I've had to change our day together as the number grows. I used to have them all come for the day but then the group got so big that I took the little ones in the morning and the older, school aged children, in the afternoon. They are all homeschooled. Each week one of the groups would have lunch here.
A question that I'm always asked is, "What do you do on Grandma's Day?" We read books together and often watch a video especially since two of the families have chosen not to have TV in their house. The next question you probably want to ask is, "How do you decide what video to watch without having some be disappointed?" I put all of their names in a cup and each week one name is taken out (and left out) and that person chooses the video without comment from the others as each one will have a turn someday too. If someone doesn't like the choice he is always free to do something else.
A question that I'm always asked is, "What do you do on Grandma's Day?" We read books together and often watch a video especially since two of the families have chosen not to have TV in their house. The next question you probably want to ask is, "How do you decide what video to watch without having some be disappointed?" I put all of their names in a cup and each week one name is taken out (and left out) and that person chooses the video without comment from the others as each one will have a turn someday too. If someone doesn't like the choice he is always free to do something else.
They love doing projects together. A few weeks ago we made "pigs in a blanket" for lunch. I'm sure you've all heard of that. Even our two year old thought it was great "painting" butter on the dough, rolling the hot dog up in the dough and waiting for it to cook. Sometimes we go for walks or to the playground. We have a lake on the Word of Life property with lots of geese so they love to go down there and feed them old bread. The older ones are very fond of playing table games but they all want me to play with them and that isn't possible with so many so I have to take turns. It is a rare day that you can't enjoy out-of-door activities where we live so we do lots of playing outside, climbing trees, soccer, hide and seek etc.
2. Pass on spiritual values to them. Don't leave them only earthly treasures and riches. Proverbs 13:22. Tell them your family story and of God's goodness and mercy to you. Remember that in Exodus we are told to share our past with our children and not let it fade away. Our grandchildren LOVE to hear stories from our past and that of their parents. Sometimes we do this through showing them old slides and movies too. On my sixtieth birthday my family had a progressive dinner for me. We had part of the meal in each of their three homes (remember that my fourth child lives in the States) and each family was responsible for twenty years of my life. There were pictures of that phase of my life around the living room and then after we ate that part of the meal, the family was to ask me any questions they wanted about that phase of my life. Their questions were very good too. It was a fun evening for everyone and I think the children learned a lot. Let me say that after my mother died my brothers and I realized that there were things that we would never be able to record because either we didn't know or had forgotten and our dad didn't remember either. So, we all got together one afternoon in Schroon Lake, New York, and interviewed him for several hours getting it all down on tape so we didn't make that mistake again. Read the Bible and pray with them and share answers to prayer in your own life and let them do the same.
3. Babysit. Give the parents freedom to get away for an evening or a few days and you take care of the children. We have done this many, many times and although it is tiring, it's also a lot of fun. I usually go to bed when they do if they're staying for several days as one never knows what you'll be called on to do during the night.
4. Start traditions with you grandchildren. I have Grandma's Day every Friday. I also make and decorate their birthday cakes. They choose how they want the cake. Grandpa takes them a few at a time on long hikes and we've gone camping together a few times. We have Christmas together as much as we can although each family has his own Christmas too. We often go away on a vacation together which is fun. Our kids love going to the ocean.
As grandparents, we have to remember that we are the grandparents and not the parents. As a grandparent I should be an influence and an example but the training is to be done by their parents. I have no right to undo what my children are trying to do with their children especially when they and I both know what is right.
One of my responsibilities at the Seminary is to work with the student wives. Many of them have children. One of their biggest complaints is that their parents won't cooperate with what they are trying to teach their children. Many of them will not allow the children to be disciplined in their home. This makes it tough for the parents, and a visit to Grandma's house might not be that enjoyable because of this factor. I try to cooperate with the training and discipline and not undermine it. Otherwise I feel that I shouldn't have the privilege of having the grandchildren with me as much as I do.
I want my children to be able to trust me with their children. These are just a few of my thoughts on grandparenting. I'm sure there are many more that could be shared but maybe these will be helpful to some who receive "Heart to Heart."
Happy Grandparenting! ~~ Mary-Ann Cox
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