Love to Mamas of Prodigals

by pamela spurling ♡  ~  Used by permission

The very mention of the word, prodigal, brings to mind a flood of memories. I’ve written about, spoken at retreats and women’s studies, and have shared my own experiences as a mamas of prodigals. 

 

I had a section on the old site – a page dedicated to prodigals and waywards.  So often, through the years, I’ve had women share their stories, share advice, share their struggles and disappointments and feelings of utter failure and hopelessness.   Usually all I can say is that I understand.  

They probably think I don’t.  But I do. I really do. Time never seems to allow for elaborating my reason for empathy… but somehow I’m able to convey enough that these mamas get it.  They get that I get them — that I understand.

I read another great article from Revive Our Hearts today… It was encouraging to me, affirming what I already know and reminding me to walk in the grace the Lord has given me.  I think it just might encourage you, too. Ministering to Moms of Prodigal Children

God bless you as you continue to travel the narrow path… trusting the Saviour for His great plans. Love to you today. ♥

How to Raise a Crook / God's Instructions

1.  Give him everything he wants.  This way he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.

2.  Never give him spiritual training.  Wait until he is twenty-one and then let him decide for himself.

3.  Avoid using the word, "wrong."  It might make him feel guilty and his schoolwork will suffer.

4.  Do not make him work at home.  Do his work for him so he will learn at an early age to leave the responsibility to others.

5.  Let him watch anything he wants so he can learn from television how to get along in the world.

6.  Give him spending money so he won't be frustrated by having to earn his own.

7.  Do not make rules for him---you might make him angry at you.

8.  When he gets bad grades, blame the teachers.

9.  When he gets in trouble in school, blame the principal.

10. When he loses his job, blame the boss.

11. When he gets caught drunk driving, blame his friends.

12. Let him experiment with sex, drugs, and alcohol so he will be able to make an educated decision.

13. Buy him a car as soon as he can drive so he will have the freedom to go wherever he wants.
--from The Presbyterian Journal written in a gospel tract

God's Word to Parents

Bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. ~ Ephesians 6:4 (NAS)

These commandments are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your homes and on your gates. ~ Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NIV)

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it. ~ Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)


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Ten Things I Want My Son to Know

by Jennie Scott  ~  http://www.jenniegscott.com/
Used by permission

Note from Lois: Much applies to daughters as well.

OK, son. You're in that weird stage right now where you're technically not a teenager yet, but you're not a little kid anymore, either. I know it's super strange. Your body is changing, your voice is sounding different, and your brain is struggling to keep up. The next few years are going to be different for both you and for me. I've been thinking about some things you should know, and while this list is definitely not exhaustive, I figure it's a good start.

Deodorant and foot washing are not optional. Ever. They're just not. As your body changes (you'll learn this in sex-ed), your hormones go berserk, and you. will. stink. You already do. (No offense.) It's not your fault, and it's nothing to be ashamed of, but Lord have mercy, it is something you can control. The deodorant is in the top bathroom drawer (I'm assuming you forgot?) and foot washing involves soap. With a washcloth. And a vigorous scrubbing motion. No, you cannot count standing in the soap suds on the shower floor. Not sufficient. Scrub those stink cells off your feet. Then repeat.  

• You won't always (or maybe ever) be the best athlete on your team, but you are overqualified to work your {tail end} off. If I ever see you being the last one to get to the line, or if you think it's acceptable to saunter off the field, you will hear my screech from the stands and feel my wrath at home. Your coaches should all say the same thing - "Man, is that kid a hard worker." I'll be more proud to hear that than to hear you're the top hitter. Seriously. Work ethic matters more than your stats. 
• Don't ever get too cool to read good books. I know that somewhere in middle school, many guys stop liking to read. (And as a former teacher, I know it's because we educators start assigning books and forcing you to read what you hate. But I digress.) You love to read right now, and the books on your shelves have taught you so many things you can't learn in school. Reading opens doors to worlds you need to see. A man who doesn't read is often a man whose mind is closed. Don't be that man.
• Your world is going to open up in the next few years. I want you to venture into it and explore what it has to offer, but I want you to do it in the confines of what we've taught you matters. I want to live in the limits of the values we hold. This means you won't do everything that others do. You won't go everywhere they go, and you won't say/think/drink/experiment with everything they do. There is no shame in standing on your own. There is no shame is saying that something's not for you. There is great shame in realizing you've violated your own standards. Remember who you are. 
• Nothing is off limits when it comes to approaching me. If you have questions about something, you can ask me. It might embarrass us both or make me cringe, but who better than someone who loves you to see your face turn red? If you've done something wrong, I am still here. My love is not dependent on your choices, and though I'll be praying you make the right ones, if you don't, you can still come to me. Our home is your home base, and it is your safe place. 
• Keep asking me to scratch your back at night. I know I get annoyed when you ask for 5 more minutes every single night, and I know I always say I'm ready to go to bed, too, but that time with you is my favorite. It's just us, and when you're facing the wall, you often open up and tell me things that I wouldn't otherwise know. It lets me know you need me, and there's nothing a mom needs more.
• Your outfit doesn't all have to be the same color. Seriously. If you're wearing a red shirt, your shorts don't have to be red, too. Variety is the spice of life, bud. Look at the color wheel and learn about complementary colors. Your future wife will be so impressed if you can pick out your own clothes. Trust me on this one.
• I will never stop giving you chores. You've been putting your laundry away for years, and hauling out the trash and cutting the grass aren't going away either. As you get older, your responsibilities will only increase. It's preparing you for life outside our house. Get used to it.
• No, you still can't have a phone. I know. I'm mean and everyone else already has one. Too bad. God didn't tell me to make you happy, and what everyone else has is not my concern. Unlimited technology does nothing to give you the character you need, and it opens up a world you are SO not ready to enter. (I'm 36 and not ready for it either.) My calling as a mother is to help you discover your calling, and scrolling through selfies on Instagram isn't it. Friends in real life are more valuable than likes on social media. And no, I don't know when you can have one. Maybe when you actually start putting your laundry IN the basket instead of on your floor. Baby steps, son. Baby steps.
• I love you like nobody's business, but understand here and now that you will not be a 30 year old man living in my basement playing video games. You are expected to be educated for a job or trained in a skill that can provide you with housing and food. I will do everything in my power to aid you to this end, but at some point you will leave the nest. Even if it's my foot kicking your backside out. There is nothing healthy about an adult refusing to be an adult, and in this house you will not be enabled to stay a child. Nope. Forget about it. I will not do for a man what he can do for himself. I love you, but I will also love coming to your house to visit.

So there you go, babe. Just some nuggets of wisdom for your preteen self. We're headed into uncharted waters for our family, but we're in it together. Unless you forget your deodorant. Then it's every man for himself.

10 Natural Ways to Treat Cystic Acne

 

https://draxe.com/cystic-acne/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter

by Dr. Josh Axe - Used by permission

Have you ever had large, red, painful breakouts? These breakouts can affect both men and women as young as 8 or as old 50. The face is the most common and concerning area of occurrence, but other problem areas can include the chest, back, upper arms and shoulders. I’m talking about cystic acne, which is way worse than just any old pimple — it’s actually the most severe form of acne possible.
Also called nodulocystic acne, cystic acne is an intense form of acne that results in large, inflamed cysts and nodules that appear on the skin. Unlike other milder forms of acne, cystic acne is noticeably painful and occurs when oil and dead skin cells build up deep down in hair follicles or pores. Cystic acne is most common during puberty for young boys, but sadly, it can continue into the adult years, especially when there is a hormonal imbalance. For adult women, it’s common to to experience cystic acne around their menstrual cycles, especially on the the jawline and chin, which are the common areas for hormonally motivated breakouts.
Common medical treatment for cystic acne like Accutane might work, but it’s been linked to really serious side effects, including birth defects, Crohn’s disease and even suicide. (1) That’s why I always recommend trying your own home remedies for acne first. I’m sure you’ll be happy with the results.
One of the surest and best tools to fight cystic acne is to address the gut-skin connection with the use of probiotics through food, supplements and even skin care. Way back in 1961, a case report found that out of 300 acne patients given a probiotic, 80 percent had clinical improvement. (2)  The idea of probiotics for skin health isn’t new, but I’m happy to say it’s getting more attention in recent years. So before you resort to picking at your skin or using dangerous topical or oral remedies, read on to learn how you can naturally treat your cystic acne and have clear skin once again.

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Natural Cystic Acne Treatment

Can you get rid of cystic acne naturally? Thankfully, the answer is yes. There are many natural ways to treat and get rid of cystic acne fast. Here are the 10 most effective ones:
1. No Popping
Whatever you do, please don’t try to pop your cystic acne or any other pimples for that matter. Cystic acne, unlike common acne, typically does not give you “poppable” pimples. Due to the the depth of cystic acne lesions, picking or squeezing can be completely ineffective and will likely extend healing time from days to weeks. The more you touch an infected pimple, the angrier and more unsightly it’s going to become. If you try to pop cystic acne, you’re just going to spread the breakout underneath the skin. In addition, you can easily end up with scarring that lasts well beyond the pimple, possibly even forever. Two words to remember with cystic acne: Hands off!
2. Ice It
You can apply an ice cube directly to a breakout for several seconds to constrict the small blood vessels feeding the painful cyst. The ice helps immediately decrease the size and redness of the offending acne.
3. Healthy Skin Care Routine
Maintain a simple, calming skin care routine that avoids heavy and scented moisturizers. Before applying moisturizer daily, always make sure that your skin is thoroughly exfoliated and clean. An oil-free and unscented moisturizer is a great choice.
To encourage healthy skin turnover and growth, make sure to use exfoliants that are effective but not harsh and abrasive. Some good options include glycolic acid and fruit enzymes. When you’re in the sun, the best sunscreens to use are all-natural sunscreens to help reduce the chances of acne scarring. For scars, a natural vitamin C product can help. Some cystic acne scars can unfortunately take months to heal, but don’t lose hope.
4. Mirror Mirror
It’s a good idea not to obsess over your cystic acne. The more you stare at it in the mirror, the more likely you will want to pick at it and think negative thoughts, both of which will only make you look and feel worse. Stop yourself from visually and mentally obsessing over your cystic acne, and make sure you’re thinking positive, skin-clearing thoughts!
5. Your Towels and Pillowcases
Something you might not think about is what else touches your face daily, like towels and pillowcases. To reduce the chances of irritation and sensitivity, it’s a really smart idea to avoid washing these items with strong detergents and bleaches. Instead, opt for natural and unscented laundry products, like my Homemade Laundry Soap. You also want to change your towels and pillowcases frequently to avoid the presence and spread of bacteria, which only make your acne worse.

 For larger photos, please go here.

6. The Cystic Acne Diet
Foods to Avoid:

• Conventional Dairy: Even if you’re not lactose intolerant, conventional dairy products can be hard on the digestive system. Many people see an improvement in their acne when they cut down or eliminate dairy products like milk, cheese and ice cream. If you want to check if dairy is a culprit, try eliminating it from your diet for two weeks and see if your cystic acne improves. If it does, then you know that dairy is not agreeing with you. You can choose to remain dairy-free, or you can slowly reintroduce dairy back into your diet. Choosing better-quality dairy can be helpful as well.
• Sugar: Sugar and other high-glycemic foods (like breads and pasta) can make inflammation in your body worse. The more inflammation you have, the worse your cystic acne will be. Try natural sweeteners instead. Consuming excess amounts of sugar and grain products can also feed yeast and candida in the body, increasing the presence of acne on the skin.
• Caffeine and chocolate: Many experts like to say that there is no link between caffeine and chocolate consumption and breakouts. However, there is no doubt that caffeine consumption has a direct impact on your hormonal balance. In particular, caffeine overdose can raise the stress hormone known as cortisol. By reducing or eliminating various sources of caffeine like coffee, tea and chocolate, you can help to keep your hormones in better balance and clear up your cystic acne.
• Low-fiber, highly processed foods: Consuming foods that are low in fiber and highly processed has a direct negative effect on your gut health, which negatively impacts skin health. When you consume processed meat products like cold cuts, breakfast cereals and microwave meals, an unhealthy shift occurs in your inner microbial colonies. This sets off inflammation throughout your entire body, which can bring on a cystic acne flare-up or make any current acne even worse.
• Fried and fast foods: These foods are also highly processed and low in fiber. Additionally, they contain a number of ingredients that cause inflammation, including hydrogenated oils, sodium, chemicals, flavorings and sugar.

Foods to Eat:

• Probiotic-rich foods: The healthier your gut is, the better your balance of good versus bad bacteria. When you consume probiotic-rich foods like kefir and cultured vegetables, the probiotics line your gut and create a healthy, sealed barrier that prevents inflammation that can trigger acne. One Korean study of 56 acne patients found that drinking a Lactobacillus-fermented dairy beverage effectively reduced their total acne lesion count and decreased oil production over 12 weeks. (3)
• High-zinc foods: People with acne tend to be low in zinc so you definitely want to increase your dietary intake of zinc by consuming things like grass-fed beef, chickpeas, pumpkin seeds and cashews to prevent a zinc deficiency. Zinc also supports a healthy digestive tract, which improves skin health.
• Vitamin A-rich foods: Foods high in vitamin A like kale, spinach, sweet potatoes and carrots fight infection and speed healing, two things you definitely need when you’re trying to get rid of cystic acne. (4)
• Fiber-rich foods: Consuming high-fiber foods like vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds and oatmeal encourages colon cleansing as well as the growth of good bacteria in the gut, both of which can help eliminate cystic acne.
• High-quality protein foods: Grass-fed beef, organic chicken, wild-caught fish and free-range eggs are high in protein and nutrients and help balance blood sugar, a key component in the fight against cystic acne.
• Liver-supportive foods: Since hormones are processed in the liver, eating liver-supportive foods can help clear up acne. Eat more cruciferous vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower as well as leafy greens and high-fiber fruits, such as pears and apple, for improved liver function.

Supplements to Consume:

• Probiotics (10,000 IU to 50,000 IU daily, typically two to three capsules twice daily). Taking probiotics can boost your immunity and help your internal fight against cystic acne. You can also use probiotic skin care products, which can provide a protective external shield.
• Omega-3 fatty acids (1,000 milligrams of fish oil /cod liver oil daily or 3,000 milligrams of flaxseed or chia seed oil). Omega-3 helps reduce inflammation and support hormone balance. You can also consider gamma-linolenic acid (GLA) found in evening primrose and borage oil for hormonal balance. One scientific study specifically found that after 10 weeks of omega-3 fatty acid or GLA supplementation, inflammatory and non-inflammatory acne lesions decreased significantly. (5)
• Zinc (25–30 milligrams twice daily). Research suggests that people with acne have lower blood and skin levels of zinc. Taking zinc by mouth helps treat and reduce acne.
• Vitex (160 milligrams of vitex/chasteberry). This herbal remedy is specifically recommended for hormonally induced acne. (6)
• Guggul or guggulsterone (25 milligrams twice daily). Guggul is made from the sap of a tree native to India. For individuals suffering from cystic acne, a controlled clinical trial found that guggul supplements outperformed 500 milligrams of tetracycline. (7)

7. Relax
As with everything health- and beauty-related, stress only makes things worse. Find ways to decrease stress in your life because stress can cause your body to release hormones that only make acne worse. The more you relax, the better your skin will be. Try natural stress relievers to help improve your skin.
8. Sleep
Getting proper sleep on a nightly basis can help improve your overall health, including balancing hormone levels and decreasing the inflammation associated with cystic acne. You also give your cystic acne uninterrupted time to heal.
9. Exercise
Regular physical activity is excellent for the body’s lymphatic system and detoxifying your entire body. It’s also excellent for your mood and self-esteem, which tend to both take a dip when you’re fighting cystic acne.
10. Essential Oils
Essential oils like tea tree and lavender can help fight cystic acne. The best way to use essential oils for acne is to apply two to three drops topically to the area of concern. Tea tree and lavender essential oils are safe for neat (direct) application, but they can also be combined with a carrier oil such as jojoba or coconut oil if you have sensitive skin.
A scientific review of the efficacy, tolerability and potential modes of action in regard to the treatment of acne with tea tree oil states that tea tree products reduce lesion numbers in patients with acne, have tolerability levels that are similar to other topical treatments, and have antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory activities that are associated with the treatment of acne. (8)
Avoid exposure to direct sunlight when treating acne with essential oils. The UV rays can make your skin more sensitive and may lead to skin irritations or redness. If using any of these essential oils causes skin irritation, discontinue use of that oil.

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Cystic Acne Symptoms

Acne vulgaris is the medical name for common acne. Acne conglobata, or cystic acne, is a more serious and more rare form of acne that occurs mainly in young men, but it can affect people of both sexes and various ages. When you have cystic acne, your skin’s pores get clogged with oil and dead skin cells and become inflamed. It becomes cystic acne when the pore ruptures underneath the skin, which causes the inflammation to spill out into the surrounding skin tissue. This chain reaction can continue in the skin, triggering wider inflammation, spreading more acne bacteria and more breakouts. Next, your body forms a cyst around the area to stop the inflammation from spreading further.
Symptoms of cystic acne include:

• large, red and painful breakouts on the face, chest, back, upper arms, shoulders and/or thighs
• nodules that appear as raised, red bumps that generally do not have a whitehead showing
• lesions that are usually felt beneath the skin before they’re seen
• more visible acne that produces cysts and nodules in addition to papules and pustules
• breakouts that are painful to the touch or even when not touched
• decrease in self-esteem and mood and increase in psychological distress, especially when cystic acne occurs on the face

The unique appearance of a cystic acne is due to the acute damage to the oil gland causing intense inflammation and irritation, which leads to redness, swelling and soreness. Cystic acne is easy to diagnose to by a dermatologist and does not require any special tests.

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Cystic Acne Root Causes

Cystic acne can be caused by or related to: (9)

• Genetics
• Hormonal changes, including polycystic ovary syndrome
• High levels of humidity and sweating
• Pore-clogging and irritating face and body care products
• Some drugs and chemicals (for example, corticosteroids, lithium, phenytoin, isoniazid), which may worsen or cause eruptions that are similar to acne

Cystic acne often runs in families. If one or both of your parents had severe cystic acne, then you have a greater chance of having it as well.
It’s most common in teenage boys and young men. It’s believed that hormones called androgens can play a part in the development of cystic acne in teens when there is an increase in androgens. This increase leads to changes in your skin that can result in clogged pores and acne.
Cystic acne doesn’t only affect men, though. For women, hormone changes that trigger cystic acne can be brought on by menstrual cycles, pregnancy and menopause. Cystic acne is also more common among women who suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome.

For larger photos, please go here. 

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Cystic Acne vs. Rosacea

• Acne and rosacea are two of the most widespread dermatological conditions.
• It can be difficult to tell the difference between rosacea and acne.
• In the earliest phases of rosacea, the patient may notice gradual reddening of the skin, often mistaking these changes for acne, sunburn or dermatitis.
• The two disorders may be especially confused when the term “acne rosacea” is used, a phrase that was once frequently used to describe what’s now known as subtype 2 (papulopustular) rosacea, which may include bumps and pimples that appear similar to acne.
• Rosacea is a chronic disorder that occurs primarily in the central portion of the face and usually includes redness, flushing and blushing, and bumps (papules) and pimples (pustules). Rosacea can also involve the eyes and even a bulbous nose.
• Though both conditions may involve bumps and pimples, the causes and biochemical processes are different for each. Cystic acne is a product of many factors, involving the hair follicles, hormonal stimulation of oil gland cells and bacteria. On the other hand, recent research has found that rosacea appears to be linked to a dysfunction of the body’s natural immune system and should thus be treated with anti-inflammatory agents rather than antibacterial agents.
• Cystic acne predominantly affects teenage boys and young men in their 20s (as well as women with hormonal issues), while rosacea predominantly affects women of northern or eastern European descent, especially those who are blond and fair-skinned. With rosacea, women ages 20 to 60 are the predominant epidemiological group.
• Approximately half of all people with rosacea develop eye involvement, called ocular rosacea, with chronic tearing and eye dryness, a gritty sensation within the eye, flaking at the base of the eyelashes (called blepharitis), and recurring sties.
• An anti-inflammatory diet can help both cystic acne and rosacea. Also, changing your diet to remove any allergens, sensitivities or common gut irritants can help both problems.
• People who are predisposed to acne or rosacea can experience flares as a result of a shift in gut bacteria and subsequent inflammation.
• Healthy signals produced by probiotics can stop skin cells from sending “attack” messages to the immune system that result in flare-ups of acne or rosacea.

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Cystic Acne Final Thoughts

Getting rid of cystic acne and the scars commonly left behind can take time, but a natural and holistic approach is your best and healthiest bet. Once you get rid of your cystic acne naturally, try my Acne Scar Removal Face Mask to help get rid of any visual reminders of your battle with acne.
Cystic acne can be really challenging to manage, especially when it starts to take a toll on your mood and self-esteem. It’s important to talk or journal about your challenges and try your best not to let cystic acne define you. Put your thoughts and efforts toward making positive changes to your life, knowing that getting rid of cystic acne is within your control and can soon be a character- and knowledge-building part of your personal history.
Once you’ve made your cystic acne a problem of the past, it’s absolutely key to stick with a healthy diet and lifestyle, drink plenty of water, and keep up a simple, natural skin care routine. Clear, healthy skin is a reflection of good inner health so if you continue to make healthy choices on a daily basis, then you’ll have no problem keeping cystic acne away for good.

Single Girls, Walk it out!

by Michelle Gill  www.rebornjoy.com

I was a sixteen year old girl when I asked God what He wanted for my life.  I was certain that He told me that He wanted me to be a wife and also a mother.  I wrote poems, said prayers, collected recipes, read books, ...waiting for that man.  I graduated high school with no other plans than family.  I went to work at my first coffee shop and waited.  And waited.   And waited.  I went back to college and graduated at twenty-five and waited.  And waited.  I moved eighteen times in twelve years thinking surely my life would begin somewhere new.  I tried singles groups, internet dating, this pursuit and that.

I met Russell when I was almost thirty-three.  I married at thirty-four.  Finally.  We had our daughter one year later. Four years later he died.

Two years later people began to ask me what I was going to do about being single again.  People told me not to wait around that I was getting too old.  People told me that I needed to do something. People told me that my daughter needed a father.

I chose to practice what I learned the first time in waiting.  I definitely was not perfect in my waiting the first go round, so some of this was learned in trial and error.  Some of the things that I knew were true, I had to just hold on to in faith because I had not seen it walked out in front of me.  Sometimes when you don't know anyone living by faith or living a life of purity then it is hard to be confident in that lifestyle when you are walking it out alone.  That is one of the reasons that I write this article.  There are some things that you need to know are true and hold to regardless of what well-meaning people say and regardless of your circumstances so you can - walk it out!

1. God will show you your future.  Just ask Him.  He will speak to you and direct your paths.
2. Everyone has to wait on something.  Waiting is part of life.  Life is not fair.  Accept it.
3. You don't need to "find" your husband.  God will bring him.  Many people told me that I needed to do this or that and the first time I tried it all.  In the end both my husbands came to me out of absolutely no effort of my own.
4. A husband won't make you happy.  Be happy now.  It is a choice.  Happiness is a daily choice whether you are married or not.
5. Choose wisely because marriage is hard.
6. Live well single and you will live well married.
7. Cook for your health now instead of waiting for that family life.  I hear people say all the time that they can't cook for one.  I did.  I practiced and I shared. If you don't cook now, you will have a hard time changing your habits then.
8. Learn to die to yourself now and be filled with the Holy Spirit.  He is your greatest asset in marriage.
9. Have fun now.  Enjoy your life.  A happy person is much more attractive anyway.
10. Learn to take care of your inner self as well as outer self because being healthy is a lot more fun.
11. Learn to pray well.
12. Be thankful.  If you desire being married, thank God for the specific things that you desire in a husband before they come to be.  Thank Him in advance.
13. Stay pure in every way including your thought life.  Guard your thinking!
14. If you date at all, be careful with dating.  Yes, I said if you date at all.  Dating can increase your taste for change and dissatisfaction.  Experiencing relationships with different men can cause you to unconsciously compare and give you a taste for things that aren't in your husbands personality.  As with me, it can get you used to moving on instead of investing.  Plus you need to ask yourself, if you truly believe God will bring your husband into your life.  I chose not to date the second time around and He guided me the whole way.
15. Give.  Invest in others.  It is hard not to become self-focused unintentionally when you live alone.
16. Keep a watch on your relationship with God.  Disappointment can sneak in like a worm and eat away before you know it.
17. Laugh.  Laugh a lot.
18. Walk it out.  Sometimes we have to practice our trust in God before it is deepened to our reality.  Walk out your trust and watch Him follow through. 

Parental Involvement in Teen Internet Usage

by Penny Yonts in a letter to Parent Internet Protection Program for Generation Z (PIPPZ) ~ Used by permission

A friend made me aware of a new slang term being used by teens. Netflix n' Chill is a code for "Let's get together, watch Netflix, and ..." You get the idea. Do an internet search if you want more information.

Please allow me to strongly suggest that at least one parent or adult keep a close watch on your child's devices. There's an increasing selection of Apps that are geared toward teens, for the sole purpose of allowing them to hide forbidden apps, content, and conversations.

Please know all of your child's ID's and Passwords for any and all social network apps and accounts. I've made it clear to my kids that I can and do check their accounts. At any moment I will check their phones, their pictures, and texts. If my kids and I were perfect, lived in a perfect society, with perfect friends, then there would be no need for me to check our accounts. We each need accountability. 

Here's some suggestions:

Facebook - Check the privacy settings so that only "safe" people and pages are accessible. I have to periodically go into my account and Joshua's account to let FB know what ads are appropriate. You can choose what kind of ads pop up. Also, remember to check FB Messenger. Personally, FB has been a blessing and source of encouragement to me. But, there's always trouble lurking.

Instagram - I'm not crazy about this app. There's very little control of what all our children can see. I've compromised too much on this particular app, unfortunately. Remember, check your child's privacy settings. Lastly, Instagram has the capability of sending and receiving private messages...check those too.

SnapChat - Hate Hate Hate!!!

Pinterest - Gracie has Pinterest; and I have to keep an eye on who Follows her. Even if she doesn't Follow them, she can see what they Pin. I block them; and hope her little eyes don't see images that could hurt her.

Please feel free to share anything that could help us keep our loved ones protected.

Thanks!

5 Tips for Better Understanding Your Teenager

Used with permission by Momscape
http://www.momscape.com/wordpress/category/parenting-tips/

 

Do you ever feel like your connection with your teen is slipping? Here are five tactics for stopping the slip...steps you can take to get closer to them and to better understand them.

#1 Ask Questions and Listen

The first step to understanding your teen is to ask questions. Now there's a strategy here. Many teens give yes/no answers when you ask them a question. The trick is to do it when they're more likely to open up. Driving in the car seems to be a good time.

When you ask questions, make sure to listen to the answers -  even if you don't understand half of the words they're using. It's okay to ask for clarification. As you're listening, take mental notes. They'll come in handy in the next step.

#2 Google It!

If you have no idea what your child is talking about, Google it. Google the things they express interest in, the people, and even the language they use. The Urban Dictionary can be incredibly useful. For example, "Feels" - A wave of emotions that sometimes cannot be adequately explained. "Watching Back to the Future gives me all sorts of nostalgic feels."

#3 Listen

One of the best ways to better understand your teen is to listen in to see what they're talking about with their friends, and what kinds of things their friends are involved in. Try to be around them when they're with their friends. Attend events with them. Volunteer to drive them and their friends to events. And encourage them to invite their friends over.

#4 Get Involved

Start taking an active interest in your teen's interests. For example, if they're involved in the local drama club then volunteer to help out with the club. If they are active online and have their own YouTube channel, then by all means watch that channel but also watch the other YouTubers that your child follows.

#5 Relax

Each generation has their own trends, language, and interests. Guaranteed, when you were a teenager your parents thought you were from another planet as well. It's the way of the world. It's okay to not be able to completely relate with your teenager. In fact, it's normal.

Do what you can to connect with them. Let them know that you're interested in their lives and then relax. You don't need to be a friend with your teenager, nor do you need to share the same interests. It's enough to let them know that you care.

Your Guide to Teens

by Amy Moran - Used by permission

 

 How to Teach Your Teen Problem-Solving Skills

Teens face problems every day - whether it's not understanding a homework assignment or it's conflict with a friend - and they need to know how to solve those problems. Although it can be tempting to solve problems for them, or leave them to solve problems on their own, most teens need some guidance. Find out the best ways to teach problem-solving skills.

 

Search Related Topics:  problem-solving skills  teaching teens to solve problems

 

 

Teen Bedroom Decor: How to Allow for Self-Expression

I interviewed Christa O'Leary, an interior design expert and family therapist, to get her ideas on how parents and teens can work together on bedroom decorating. She offered some excellent tips about how to allow teens to use their bedrooms as a means of self-expression.

 

Search Related Topics:  teen bedroom  teen bedroom decor

Can You Stand to Look at a Messy Bedroom?

It's a widely debated topic among parents - do you try to make your teen clean his room or just shut the door and ignore it? Weigh in on how you deal with your teen's bedroom.

 

Teens

5 Strategies to Keep Teens Safe on Facebook

Although there are a lot of studies showing that less teens are using Facebook than in the past, most teens still keep an active Facebook profile. Find out how you can keep help your teen use Facebook safely and responsibly.

Search Related Topics:  teens and technology  internet safety for teens 

 
Teaching Teens Financial Skills

Teens need to know the basics about budgeting, saving and spending if we want them to become responsible adults. I interviewed a financial expert to learn what skills teens need and how to start teaching those skills now.

Search Related Topics:  teens and money  financial skills for teens 

Study Reveals Teens are Stressed About Money

Teens are worried about more than just what they're going to do on Saturday night. A new study reveals they're anxious about money. Learn what's causing their anxiety and find out what parents are saying about it.

College Information for You and Your Teens

How to Help Your Teen Choose a College

10 Life Skills Teens Need to be Successful in College

Help Your Teen Graduate from College Debt Free (Even If You Can't Pay)

 

25 Special Ways to Spend Time with Your Child

by Lisa Jacobson - February 3, 2014 - Club 31 Women (a passion for husband, home and family) - Used by permission
http://club31women.com/

 

He was a young man by then. Seventeen. Nearly grown and gone.

 

And at the time his mountain bike was a big part of his world. He had built it himself, piece by piece, and was anxious to take it over to the bike shop to get the necessary repairs.

 

Realizing this, I had put it on a long list of other errands I needed to run. That week was so busy that my head was spinning, so you can imagine the relief when my husband offered to go into town for me. Yes, please! And, I’ll love you forever.

 

But I saw our son’s face fall. Disappointment clear across his countenance. Not understanding, I reassured him that his dad would drop off the bike too and all would be well.

 

And then this came out of his mouth. Out of his heart. “But Mom, I was really looking forward to spending the time with you.”

 

Oh.

 

He doesn’t simply need a ride to the cycle shop. He’s not merely looking to have his bike repaired. He wants a relationship with me. His mom. Even at seventeen. A relationship that began from a very young age.

 

Surprising.

 

That a son – nearly grown and gone – would want to hang out with his mom. But that’s how our friendship began, by simply spending time together.

 

Now in case you haven’t experienced it yet? The years slip by faster than you think they will. The next thing you know that little boy – or little girl – is all grown up. Just like this. So don’t wait. Spend time together.

 

25 Special Ways to Spend Time With Your Child

 

1.    Fix a cup of tea
2.    Drive up to the lake
3.    Find a fun playground
4.    Play a board game
5.    Go for a drive
6.    Stroll along the river
7.    Share a bowl of popcorn
8.    Work on a craft together
9.    Ski down the mountain
10.  Go out for an ice-cream cone
11.  Watch an old – or new – movie
12.  Head over to the library
13.  Dip into some frozen yogurt
14.  Attend a music concert
15.   Head up for a hike
16.   Sip on a cup of hot chocolate
17.   Cheer together at a sports game
18.   Take a walk in the park
19.   Sneak out for some breakfast
20.   Go window shopping
21.   Plan a special trip somewhere
22.   Put together a picnic
23.   Bake something yummy in the kitchen
24.   Build a project – just the two of you
25.   Curl up in a quiet corner to talk and laugh

 

Take the time now. Before they are truly grown and gone. Because what do your children really want? They want a relationship with you.

 

*This list is a follow-up to the post: 10 Strong Reasons to Set Aside Time With Your Child

How to Respond When Your Teen Talks Back

by Amy Morin

AmyMorinLCSW.com

ParentingTeens.About.com

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/behavioranddiscipline/fl/How-to-Respond-When-Your-Teen- Talks-Back.htm 

Used by permission

A few lines from this article:

Teens are verbally impulsive by nature. However, this doesn’t mean they should get a free pass to talk back and behave disrespectfully. Instead, it’s a critical time period where they can begin learning how to deal with frustration and disappointment without talking back......... The way you respond to this type of back talk influences whether or it not it will continue.

Please go to the link above to read the remainder of Amy's article.

Check out About.com's many articles on parenting teens:

8 Ways to Discipline Teens

How to Validate Your Teen's Feelings

How to Create a Behavior Contract with Teens

You can go to ParentingTeens.About.com to sign up for Amy Morin's newsletter.

A Dozen Ways to Reach Your Son's Heart

by Lisa Jacobson - http://club31women.com/2013/07/a-dozen-ways-to-reach-your-sons-heart/

Used by permission  

In the September "Heart to Heart Newsletter,"  look for "A Dozen Ways to Reach Your Daughter's Heart!"

 

He was nearly sixteen.

A young man with much on his mind and much to do. His days were full with school, friends, sports, dreams and goals.

And his goal on that day was to get to the bicycle shop. So I’d offered to take him there since I had to run into town anyway.

But I was pressed for time, so the plans changed and his father said he could take him in rather than me. Problem solved. Then imagine my surprise when I watched our son’s face fall. He was going to be able to get his bike fixed – didn’t he understand that?

He explained rather quietly, “But I was looking forward to the time with you, Mom.”

Me?? His mom? His answer caught me so off-guard, I couldn’t speak for a moment or two. But when I finally found my voice, I immediately changed plans. One more time.

I’ll take you, Son. Let’s go. Right now. I’ve got all the time you need.

 

I realized now that this wasn’t as much about a mountain bike, as it was about a young man’s heart. A young man who was looking for some time together. And a mom who’d been too busy and distracted to see it.

 

How does a mom reach her son’s heart?

1. Communicate confidence. Boys grow strong when they have someone who is confident in their abilities. They step out and take off when they sense your faith in them.

2. Give him space. A mom can’t hover over her boy. He needs a little room – room to grow and to try things out on his own.

3. Show some respect. It’s important to never belittle him or make him feel small in any way. Even little men need to have some basic respect.

4. Cheer him on. Until that guy marries, I hope to be his biggest fan (then she can take over from there). I’ll cheer loudly and enthusiastically whenever and wherever I can.

5. Be available. At times just being there means the most. You’re standing by – in case he ever needs something. Time, advice, sympathy, or encouragement: it’s waiting there for when he’s looking for it.

6. Take an interest. In his interests. What are his hobbies? What does he like learning about? Spend time doing? Whether lizards, space travel, or Airsoft (all of which I know way more about than I’d ever wanted to ) – make it your area of interest too.

7. Listen quietly. More than anything. He doesn’t need you to talk nearly as much as he needs you to listen (more on that here).

8. Give him grace. I don’t know quite how to say this, but sometimes sons do stupid things. And we can become discouraged, or disappointed in them. But they need to feel our full forgiveness and have the chance to try again.

9. Believe the best. Let’s have great expectations for our sons. Let’s believe they’re going to go far and have high hopes for them.

10. Take him out. Our little boys keep very careful track on whose turn it is next to have a “date” with mom. I’ll grab one when I’m going out on an errand, then pick up an ice-cream cone or swing by the library. Our eldest likes the ribs at Baldy’s Barbecue.

11. Lighten up. Laugh at his antics and smile at his sweetness. Enjoy the boy he is and the man he’s becoming. Make sure he knows you delight in him. Just the way he is.

12. Pray for him. He needs his mother’s prayers. Pray for protection, for purity, for God’s purpose to be carried out. There’s probably no more important ministry a mom can have in her son’s life.

 

That sixteen-year-old is now 19 and living and working across the country – a sophomore at college – and we only get to see him once or twice a year. But we always welcome his emails, Skype and phone calls. It’s so good to hear all about his world and what’s on his heart.

Certainly, good for this mama’s heart.

Missing you, Son.

In His grace,
Lisa Jacobson