by Cheri Fuller, Mothering By Heart, cheri@cherifuller.com, © 2006, Used by permission
In the middle of the school year when lots of kids experience a slump, your child may just need the boost of positive expectations!
I know a young man who has achieved some amazing things. By the time he was eleven, he was an avid reader and had delivered keynote addresses to thousands of businessmen in the car wash industry. Perhaps the most surprised were his kindergarten teachers, who predicted he'd never learn to read. Yet now he reads stacks of books, e-mail, letters, and sends many out himself.
Brian was born with Williams Syndrome, which causes heart problems, retardation, and other disabilities. But his parents continued to have high hopes for him and encouraged him to build on his strengths and especially his interest in car washes (which is ultimately how he learned to read). His mom made flash cards out of car wash words and his vocabulary grew and grew. With perseverance and much prayer, their "great expectations" paid off.
Kids who succeed and overcome obstacles have something in common: a parent who has high expectations for them and believes in them, someone who encourages them to keep on trying, and shows them ways to use their strengths to compensate for their weaknesses.
Yet with all the negative labels we stick on kids these days, we often lower our expectations for what they can accomplish. That produces a downward spiral. The negative label leads to low expectations which leads to less effort and thus less learning and achievement. What we expect from kids is usually what we get!
Your expectations can have a powerful impact on your child's behavior, achievement, and learning. So here are some ways to develop and communicate "great expectations".
First, think about what you expect from your child in different areas such as homework, reading, chores, etc. Consider your child's age and capabilities so that expectations are reasonable enough to be met often. Otherwise, if they are always unattainable-like getting a 100 on every test or winning every soccer game-kids get discouraged.
Look for chances in daily life to share your positive expectations with your child. Give him a little snapshot of how far he can go with effort and work: "You have real ability to listen and counsel your friends. You could really help people someday." Or support him by sharing, "You said you'd get the kitchen cleaned up and you did. That's what I call responsibility!"
Last, avoid writing off as failures kids who are late bloomers or who aren't test-smart and don't make the top grades at school. Also avoid throwing cold water on their dreams by saying, "You couldn't do that..." when they think of a project or future goal. Hopes and dreams keep us motivated and excited about life. Instead, keep expecting and believing the best, and communicate your high hopes with encouraging words.
What makes the difference in a late bloomer who blooms or a child who's been struggling and turns around is someone who keeps believing in him and doesn't give up on him even if things are rough. And often, I find those precious late bloomers surprise us with the most beautiful blooms of all as they discover their gifts and talents and get on the path or career direction that God created them for!
In the middle of the school year when lots of kids experience a slump, your child may just need the boost of positive expectations!
I know a young man who has achieved some amazing things. By the time he was eleven, he was an avid reader and had delivered keynote addresses to thousands of businessmen in the car wash industry. Perhaps the most surprised were his kindergarten teachers, who predicted he'd never learn to read. Yet now he reads stacks of books, e-mail, letters, and sends many out himself.
Brian was born with Williams Syndrome, which causes heart problems, retardation, and other disabilities. But his parents continued to have high hopes for him and encouraged him to build on his strengths and especially his interest in car washes (which is ultimately how he learned to read). His mom made flash cards out of car wash words and his vocabulary grew and grew. With perseverance and much prayer, their "great expectations" paid off.
Kids who succeed and overcome obstacles have something in common: a parent who has high expectations for them and believes in them, someone who encourages them to keep on trying, and shows them ways to use their strengths to compensate for their weaknesses.
Yet with all the negative labels we stick on kids these days, we often lower our expectations for what they can accomplish. That produces a downward spiral. The negative label leads to low expectations which leads to less effort and thus less learning and achievement. What we expect from kids is usually what we get!
Your expectations can have a powerful impact on your child's behavior, achievement, and learning. So here are some ways to develop and communicate "great expectations".
First, think about what you expect from your child in different areas such as homework, reading, chores, etc. Consider your child's age and capabilities so that expectations are reasonable enough to be met often. Otherwise, if they are always unattainable-like getting a 100 on every test or winning every soccer game-kids get discouraged.
Look for chances in daily life to share your positive expectations with your child. Give him a little snapshot of how far he can go with effort and work: "You have real ability to listen and counsel your friends. You could really help people someday." Or support him by sharing, "You said you'd get the kitchen cleaned up and you did. That's what I call responsibility!"
Last, avoid writing off as failures kids who are late bloomers or who aren't test-smart and don't make the top grades at school. Also avoid throwing cold water on their dreams by saying, "You couldn't do that..." when they think of a project or future goal. Hopes and dreams keep us motivated and excited about life. Instead, keep expecting and believing the best, and communicate your high hopes with encouraging words.
What makes the difference in a late bloomer who blooms or a child who's been struggling and turns around is someone who keeps believing in him and doesn't give up on him even if things are rough. And often, I find those precious late bloomers surprise us with the most beautiful blooms of all as they discover their gifts and talents and get on the path or career direction that God created them for!
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Cheri Fuller is a mother of three grown children and a Gold-Medallion award winning author and speaker. Visit her website at www.cherifuller.com for more of her Mothering By Heart columns and Families Pray USA info.
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