I love our
porch swing for a variety of reasons. It’s a great place for eating breakfast
on a summer’s morning, moon viewing when the orb hangs over the barn, and quiet
planning on an early autumn afternoon.
My favorite porch swing moments, however, are when one of my four men
join me there. Somehow that
location always seems to loosen tongues – we’ve had some great talks on that
swing.
Just recently
it was Eli who joined me on the swing on a lovely spring afternoon. We talked about this and that for
awhile, and then he popped out a question that surprised yet pleased me. Eli asked, “How did you and Dad know
how to do a good job of raising us?”
His question was asked in such a way that it seemed he wanted to store
up whatever answers I gave him for the future. I thought for a few moments and then tried to sum up a long
season of “training up a child in
the way he should go.” My response
wasn’t as concise as what’s been written below, but I believe he got the gist
of things. Obviously, summing up
our child-rearing philosophy is difficult to do in just a few points, but I
believe these things are the foundation to all else. I share these things here
in the hopes of encouraging other’s hearts to seek out God’s wisdom and apply
it to their own parenting.
* Recognizing
the Love of God in His Commands – Marty and I have tasted and seen that God
is good. We have learned His joy
and peace by walking in the wisdom and ways of God. We have experienced His love through keeping His
commands. We’ve tried to instill
in our boys that we serve a personal, loving Heavenly Father who cares about
the most intimate details of our lives.
We have taught them to obey Him because it is ultimately for their best,
to keep them from harm and trouble.
The boys have learned that we do what we do because God says so and we
trust Him, and because we’ve learned that there is great joy in loving and
serving our Savior. Our faith
isn’t only in our heads, but we try to flesh it out every day in every aspect
of our lives. Being careful not to
create a legalistic kind of home, as in a
“just-do-what-I-say-because-I’m-the-parent” kind of parenting, we have strived
to explain the principle behind any rules. We want them to understand and see the wisdom in doing
things God’s way with their hearts, instead of just obeying with their actions.
* Intentionality
in Influence – We were also very diligent and careful as they grew in
introducing them to situations, people, resources, etc. I constantly asked myself, “Will this
movie or book or outfit or friend or habit draw my sons closer to God or help
pull them away from Him?” Everything
that comes into our lives influences us in one way or another, even seemingly
“small” things. Influence is huge,
especially in the lives of young children, and we made sure as parents that the
greatest influence being poured into their lives was us teaching them God-honoring
ways.
* Expectations
of Integrity – We have always held high expectations for our boys. And children generally live up to (or
down to) what you expect of them.
That teenagers must go through a time of rebellion, of “sowing their
wild oats,” does not match up with Scripture. Teaching and training children from baby on up that they are
responsible for their actions and for living a life of integrity doesn’t change
when they become teenagers. The
boys have always been expected to walk at a high standard, God’s standard,
regardless of what everybody else around them is doing. If they are taught that standard from
little on up (and in addition, the principles of why we walk according to that
standard), they don’t know any different.
I don’t wish
to imply that our children or our parenting techniques are perfect or without
flaws. We’ve made plenty of
mistakes; however, we have found God and His Word to hold true even in the
midst of those mistakes. And we
have learned that even mistakes provide opportunities for teaching, within our
lives and our children’s lives. In
addition, I recognize that children, regardless of how they’ve been raised,
ultimately grow into adults who have minds of their own and make choices of
their own – sometimes against everything they’ve ever been taught. This, too, is yet another opportunity
to experience the fact that God is always right.
Well, I don’t
know how well I explained it all or what exactly Eli took from our conversation. But I do know that he was listening and
that he heard my heart that afternoon.
And I trust that God will honor our efforts and teach Eli (and his
brothers) the wisdom needed to train their own children in the ways of the
Lord.
