My first reaction when Lois asked me to write our story was, “I don’t think so.” God asked me to rethink that. I do enjoy writing, maybe God can somehow be glorified, and maybe someone will be touched because of our journey. So, because of Christ, here is our story…
I guess it really begins before my husband and I ever met. He was just 16 when he was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, a cancer in the bone or soft tissue. He had a tumor growing off one of his ribs. It took almost a year before a doctor diagnosed him, and by this time, the tumor was the size of a football. He began chemo almost immediately at a nearby Medical Center.
I knew my husband slightly because we were in the same youth group. Our youth group was large, however, and I was a year and a half older than he was. I remember all of us praying for him and his family, never dreaming that this was my future husband.
He had six months of chemo, surgery to remove the shrunken tumor plus five ribs, seven weeks of radiation, along with six more months of chemo. It was during all this that we began dating. Our first date picture features a young man with a shiny bald head!
Then began the check-ups and waiting to see if the cancer was gone. Praise God, he has been cancer-free for ten years now!
We were married in the fall of 2002. Just before our wedding, my husband's doctor had informed us of the possibility of infertility due to all the treatments.
Our first married years, we didn’t often think of the fact that we were childless. But as our friends started their families it became more painful. There was a time when we wanted biological children so bad we could almost taste it. I remember crying in disappointment every month when I knew once again that there was no baby.
We thoroughly enjoyed every moment of our time “just the two of us.” Camping, going on trips, working on projects, making wonderful memories. It seemed that our relationship had a chance to go deeper than some because of the disappointments we faced together. Also, we were forced to talk about some issues that some couples never encounter. We thank God that it pulled us together rather than pushing us apart as infertility does in some cases.
We spent two years in mission work in Europe. We were reminded again that we would not have been able to do some of the things we were doing if we had children. We felt like we had more time for ministry without a family.
When we moved home in October of 2008, our situation struck home once again. The longings came flooding back in force. They had never left, but giving on the mission field helped to fulfill them in part. We had discussed foster care, domestic adoption, and international adoption together often. It seemed that neither one of us was ready to proceed at the same time. So, we waited on God and each other. I also struggled with the fact that adoption still felt “second best” to me. I felt like this – “we can’t have children so I guess we have to adopt.” Then a wonderful friend, who was in the same situation, told me that ours is a calling. Some people are called to have biological children, while some are called to parent children to whom they didn’t give birth. There is no “better way.” Our journey is our journey. We can’t look around and wish for another’s because this is the one that we are called to walk. I needed time to process this. It was summer 2009 when I felt like this thought from God through a faithful friend broke through to me. I was ready and so was my husband.
We began foster care classes through our county's Children and Youth Services, a state agency, in October of 2009. Six classes, a home study and a house evaluation and we were approved.
Our first call came before we heard of our approval. Could we take a three-month old little boy? We agreed, but they decided to place him through a more specialized agency. The next call was for a three-month old girl. Again we agreed and were planning to pick her up the next day. Again it didn’t work out because a grandma appeared and took her instead. January 19th – “How soon can you be here? We have a six-week old baby boy who needs a home.” An hour and a half later and we were suddenly parents!
I can’t quite explain how we felt. He was a precious baby boy and we loved him dearly. But, the adjustments were huge. Seven and a half years of childless marriage changed in a few hours’ time. He wasn’t a very good sleeper due mostly to a bad cold. We were sleep deprived. We needed to take him for doctor appointments and visits (45 minutes one way.) I went through a day of weepiness – I just wanted “my life” back. We felt like we were making the adjustments and then…
We had "our little boy" only three days. He went back to his daddy on January 22. Then we grieved. How can you become so attached to a little person in three days? Do you know how it feels to walk out of a courthouse with an empty infant seat and leave “your” baby behind? My husband came home from work early and we held each other and wept. Reminders were everywhere. Can we do this? Can we open our hearts to a child and then have them taken from our arms leaving our hearts bleeding? Yes, this is what we feel God has called us to do. If He’s called us, He will enable us.
When the call came the following Tuesday for a baby girl, we were ready to say, “Yes” again. The next day, January 27th, a newborn baby girl joined our home. She is a precious gift from God. Will we be able to adopt her? I don’t know. Her case worker says she’ll be in our home at least six months. We worry because the longer she’s with us, the harder it will be to give her up. But if God has carried us through in the past, He will carry us through whatever is in our future.
Our journey isn’t over yet. I think it’s exciting to see what He has in store for us and our little daughter. Every time you open your heart to love, you open it to hurt as well. If you close your heart to hurt, you also close it to love. I want to be surrounded by love and I know that God will heal any hurt that comes with losses I’ll encounter.
With a thankful heart – 
