Kill Them With Kindness

by Brie Gowan
http://briegowen.com/2018/03/30/kill-them-with-kindness/
Used by permission

March 30, 2018 by brieann.rn@gmail.com Leave a Comment

I was driving down the Florida Turnpike at 70 mph. Palm trees lined the side of the road, a lavender sunset displayed behind them, and Will Reagan on the radio. I should have been enjoying such a lovely ride home, but instead I was stewing over an incident at work. Like many times when a personal interaction doesn’t go as planned, I found myself replaying the conversation mentally, but in my head I always said something clever, when in reality I had remained dumbly silent. So as I contemplated a conversation in my mind that never actually occurred, I baked in my frustration over having been treated rudely.
For the third day in a row women at work had acted condescending to me, and as I sat in my truck going over the scenario again I felt the Lord pulling at my heart. As if grabbing the string of a balloon, He pulled me back down to earth, working to calm my spirit, and He whispered to me a motto I actually lived by.
Kill them with kindness, He said.
And I knew that was the thing to do.
I don’t know about you, but I frequently encounter people who just seem to hate life. They’re the ones with the sour look on their face, the sighs that say “why are you bothering me,” and the rolling eyes that proclaim they’d rather be anywhere but where they currently are. I’m not sure why, but when I see these kinds of obviously unhappy individuals it’s like I get excited. A part of me says “game on!” When I meet someone with a grumpy disposition it’s like I yearn to make them smile. I want them to be compelled to be happy when I’m around, and so begins a journey to squeeze a smirk of a smile from a sourpuss. Challenge accepted.
I always think back to a particular situation I encountered like this. At a hospital where I worked there was a lady in the kitchen who just seemed to hate life. She was always frowning, and if you tried to ask for some food she would look up at you with glaring eyes that made it seem like you asked for her firstborn child. She always looked so put upon, so frustrated, and like she would rather be anywhere than there. I’m not sure about you, but for me it’s nice to be served with a smile. It makes me feel good when I encounter a friendly person at a drive-thru, or a kind voice on the phone. A smile goes a long way, but I understand you can’t always get what you want in life. Still, in this situation I simply felt bad for this woman. She was obviously unhappy. So I decided to try and turn her day around.
It probably took about six months of consistent, friendly banter before I coaxed a half, upturned smirk from her lips. Months of conversation, jokes, smiles, and honestly interested questions about her day occurred before I saw a glint of cheer in her eyes when I engaged her on a friendly level. In the end she would always smile when she saw me, give me an extra portion of fries, and ask about my kids. She’d go back to frowning as I walked away, but it made me feel good to draw a smile from her face.
She ended up quitting the job she obviously didn’t enjoy within the next year, and I only found out when I arrived in anticipation of our weekly interaction, but instead found a new, smiling face in her place. The interesting part, though, came about a year later when I was leaving the local grocery store. As I pushed a cart of groceries and little girls to my van I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me. I turned and was surprised to see a full set of shiny, white teeth beaming at me across the lot. It was my long lost, lunch buddy, and she grinned ecstatically as she came towards me. We chatted for a while, and she updated me on her current life. The most surprising part came when she hugged me goodbye. An honest to goodness, affectionate hug.
What if I had countered her grumpy countenance with indifference? What if I had seen her as a lost cause? It seems to me most angry people are simply unhappy, and what’s wrong with trying to inject a sliver of kindness into their day? It doesn’t always work, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying. It doesn’t mean I’ll repay bad treatment with bad treatment of my own.
I’ll kill them with kindness.

And so that’s what I’ve been doing. So far I’ve managed to muscle some smiles from the sourpusses, and even coax laughter from the perpetually ill. Challenge accepted. You know, making frowny people smile isn’t the sole purpose of my task. It’s just tying to shine a little light in a dark room. There’s a lot of hurting people in this world. Sometimes that hurt seeps right out of them and is visible in their interactions with others. Not always, but sometimes. So if I can try to pour kindness on someone who’s only seen unkindness then maybe I’m doing this world a little good. I gotta try anyway.

Treat Your Spouse at Least as Well as You Treat People at Church or Work

by Dr. Dave Peterson, LPC

http://drdavepeterson.com - Used by permission

A person in marital counseling was beginning to understand when they said, “I get it, what you are saying is that I should treat my spouse at least as well as I treat the people at work, or church.” At least this was a good start.

Think about how you treat people OUTSIDE the home. You greet them, “Good morning,” not “Murmur, mutter.” You say, “Please” and “Thank you,” not, “Give me that.” You call people by name, “Charles,” not “Hey you.” You use “Yes, Sir” and “Ma’am,” not “Yup, okay.” You converse with others, rather than give them the silent treatment. You may reply to, “When do you need this done?” with, “I needed it yesterday, but when do you think you can get it done?” You don’t yell across the room, you walk over to people and speak with a gentle and quiet voice. Differences are dealt with privately, not in front of an audience. You take every opportunity to encourage others in their work. You listen without interruption. You suggest solutions to problems and discuss them.

You do this every day at work, why not at home? These twelve little courtesies raise the probability you will keep your job. Maybe these ways would keep your marriage strong and your children from rebelling.

Some say, “Yes, but that is work. Home should be where you relax, let your guard down, be yourself.” I’d like to tell you that I never let my guard down, but I will also tell you it doesn’t go well when I do. When I do practice these twelve simple courtesies I find I do relax at home, I find pleasure being there.

Practice these courtesies for thirty days at home and they will become as natural there as they are at work. See if it doesn’t make a great difference in your home life.

Question: Have you faced a moment recently where lack of basic courtesy was easier than taking the high road? How did you convince yourself to take the high road and see it through? What was the result? Please  leave a comment.

Source: Ephesians 5:21-33

New King James Version (NKJV)

²¹ submitting to one another in the fear of God.
²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

A Tender Act of Kindness

         This little story emphasizes how meaningful a tender act of kindness is to young and old alike!  I hope you enjoy it! http://mywebpages.comcast.net:80/singingman7/Twinkies.htm
 

A blind person can see kindness and a deaf person can hear kindness, because it is felt from deep within the heart.

The Powerful Habit of Choosing Kindness

by Matthew and Lisa and Jacobson - Used by permission

Club31Women 

 

Today we’re talking about Choosing Kindness as part of our series The Seven Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage. 

 

For The Wives

I was always so happy to see her.

Whenever she dropped by – I dropped everything. Smiled and gave her a hug. Suggested that she stay awhile and made her a cup of tea.

They were just little things, I know. But it was my way of saying “I care about you” and “you are dear to me”.  Simple, small acts of kindness offered to a friend.

My husband watched it all from the other room. I think I’d forgotten he was even home that day. Observing it all from his favorite chair.

Then I noticed a rather melancholy look in his eyes. Sort of sad with a bit of regret. And so later I asked him about it.

“What? What were you thinking while Susan was here?”

He shrugged, but I wasn’t about to let him off that easily. I had to know. Please tell me. Even if hurts.

He started out slowly, “I couldn’t help wishing. And wondering.”

Yes….I urged impatiently.

“Well, why you wouldn’t smile like that at me. You know, drop everything and give me a big hug when I walked through the door. Offer to make a pot of coffee. Things like that…things like you did for her.”

He was right. And it hurt.

My husband – that man I love – was only looking for a little kindness. Small gestures of thoughtfulness. From me. His wife.

You might say it was a turning point for us. Before that I considered kindness as something you “felt” toward someone – more like a sentimental impulse. I didn’t understand that it was something you could simply choose.

And I certainly didn’t understand that this was something my husband needed from me.

 

A Kind Wife Who…

Smiles warmly. She lights up when she sees her man.

Looks up lovingly. When he walks in. Sure, she’s busy, but always has a moment for him.

Replies graciously. She doesn’t snap or snarl. She saves her sweet tone for him.

Offers thoughtfully. She looks for those little ways to bless him.
And on her tongue is the law of kindness. Prov. 31:26

Admittedly, this took some effort on my part. I’m sorry to say it didn’t flow naturally from me, but at least it came more easily as time went on.

And now it’s just my way of saying, “I care about you” and “you are dear to me.” Simple, small acts of kindness offered to a friend.

Who also happens to be my husband.

That man I love.

In His grace,
Lisa Jacobson

 

For The Husbands

I never meant to be unkind but there I was, getting dressed as her words stabbed me deeply.

Why do you leave your dirty laundry all over the floor? Do you want the maid to pick up after you?

Maid? I don’t treat you like a maid.

Really? Then why can’t you carry your dirty laundry ten feet to the laundry basket, instead of throwing it on the floor? You’d never treat someone else like this.

Ouch . . . it was true, I never would. When I’m in a hotel, I even hate leaving the towels on the floor. So, what was I thinking? . . . was I thinking?

Or take the exhausted wife with young children whose husband regularly kicks back after work but rarely thinks of giving her a break.

Or the husband talking with me while keeping his back to his wife the entire time.

How about not considering her needs and desires when we’re being intimate?

There are a lot of ways to be unkind.

Choosing kindness in action, word, or tone communicates: I care deeply about how you feel. When a woman knows . . . feels . . . she is deeply cared for, she finds herself in a safe place where giving of herself becomes a pleasure. Without kindness, the habitual kindness, the highly fulfilling marriage you desire will remain a desire, nothing more.

There are plenty of good reasons to develop the habit of kindness but there’s one reason that trumps them all: God commands it:

Be kind to one another, Eph.4:32

There is a great deal of power in your possession – power that is unleashed to envelope your spouse with love when you learn the habit of choosing kindness in the many everyday moments that make up a marriage.

And, it is a choice – a choice for you and for me to make every day. And, yes, it flows both ways but, men, we are the initiators (or should be if we’re not).

If you need to know specifics, humbly ask your spouse where you need to change. And if being made aware isn’t enough, ask God to do His work in your heart and head.

Embrace the Habit of Choosing Kindness and you’ll be in fellowship with God, with your spouse, and on the road to a highly fulfilling marriage.

Matthew

 

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Drop a Pebble in the Water

by James W. Foley (1847-1939) ~ Thanks to Jalisa Wenger in Pennsylvania for sending this poem!

Drop a pebble in the water, just a splash, and it is gone;
But there are half a hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water; in a minute you will forget,
But there are little waves a-flowing and there are ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there's half a hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go.
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started the flow.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there are half a hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave,
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy circling yet.
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard,
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

A Divine Appointment While Shopping

by Annetta Elgie in Arkansas

When I got to Walmart today, there were tons of people shopping for school...lots of families.  While I was shopping I felt God tell me to give the $20.00 cash I had (leftover from vacation) to someone to help with their expenses.  So while shopping I was kind of on the lookout for someone I thought might need help. 

Well, while I was waiting in line, there was an older lady patiently waiting for her turn.  In front of her was a lady with four girls and tons of clothes and school supplies.  I thought maybe I should help 'her' ... but the poor lady (I noticed her old T-shirt and skirt, straight gray hair, and a little old purse) next in line caught my thoughts.  She only had a pair of shoes she was planning to buy.  So we both stood there what seemed forever.

When she put the shoes on the conveyor belt, she looked at me and said, "I'm only buying these shoes."
I said, "They look nice."  They were actually black canvas work type shoes - sturdy work type shoes.

She said, "Look at my old shoes." pointing down at her feet. 

I looked and could see the sole had worn off the front of her left shoe and said, "Wow, good thing you didn't stub your toe or step on anything sharp."

She: "Well, I have been careful the past month."
Me: "Has it been that long?"
She: "Been saving" ( Couldn't really understand but I think that's what she said.
So, I knew God was answering who I should help.

 
When she got up to check out, the clerk rang up her shoes ... $14.96.  I said to the clerk, "Here!...I want to pay for this little lady's shoes!''

 
She turned to me and just said, "Thank you."  And then she got her shoes and turned back and said, "I've got to tell my husband!"... with a smile on her face.  Blessing her had blessed me!

Why tell you? To encourage you to look for someone you can help this weekend or next week. There are so many people living on little Social Security checks or unemployment or no money at all...that a $20.00 bill will bless their socks off....or in her case, "her shoes!"

Perennial Kindness

by Jalisa Wenger in Pennsylvania - Used by permission

Her flowerbeds were beautiful,

And she had flow’rs to share.

She wondered if I’d like to take

Some home and plant them there.

 

Of course, I was delighted to,

And planted them with care.

I watched them grow and multiply;

Their scent perfumed the air.

 

Then as the season passed on by

My flow’rs began to wane.

I trimmed them back and wondered if

They’d grow when springtime came.

 

And then one day in early spring

While digging flowerbeds,

I came upon some light green shoots.

And, oh, how they had spread!

 

And so I shared them with my friends

Who shared them with some more.

These flow’rs now grace the flowerbeds

Of homes the country o’er.

 

It is that way with kindness, too,

When someone lends a hand,

Or shares a word of timely praise

Like "Keep on! Yes, you can!"

 

The weary ones, it blesses so,

And makes their spirits soar.

It gives fresh courage to keep on

Though they were tired before.

 

Then they, with faith and hope renewed,

Reach out to bless a friend.

And thus the kindness travels on;

Who knows where it may end?

 

So, my dear friends, let’s share and care;

Let’s love and give and pray.

For who, but God, can know the good

From one kind deed one day!

Family

Author unknown

Strive to be kind, considerate and respectful to those in your home, as you are to those in church!

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

 

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU