Tending Your Marriage Garden

by pamela spurling -- April 25th, 2017
http://thewelcomehome.net/2017/04/25/tending-your-marriage-garden/
Used by permission

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you’ll remember I often make references to my gardens. Not so much to share gardening techniques or skills, but what’s growing in the gardens.  I think more than in any other place, I find instruction in the garden.  It seems the Lord meets me out there in ways I can never anticipate — but one thing I can or do anticipate is that He will be out there with me and He’ll have something to show me.

So I was walking around today to see the work ahead in the garden.  I shouldn’t wonder, but I do this every year.  And sure enough, the Lord met me in the garden as I was singing and admiring the new growth, the blossoms, the tulips…  And then beside our house there’s that incredibly fast spreading Bishop’s Weed (Aegopodium ‘Variegatum’).  It’s beautiful, soft and such pretty shades of green.  And it spreads everywhere.  Kinda like mint. 

I’d been reflecting on last night mom’s meeting at church where the topic of discussion was: marriage.  And I’d also been thinking of a couple of devotionals I’d read this morning.  So, it’s not surprising that when I was looking at that pretty Bishop’s Weed, I noticed something else — something that wasn’t visible to me last year but seems to have crept in over the winter and into this springtime.
As I have noticed through the years, weeds in the garden tend to look very similar to the plants they grow beside.  In fact, it’s often so difficult to see the difference that it’s easy to miss them entirely.

I stopped to reflect on last night’s talk… on my thoughts that lingered long after the meeting.  I thought on a scripture that wasn’t brought up last night:  “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.”  –Song of Solomon 2.15-16.

The leaves of that “Bishop’s Weed” are beautiful, very soft and tender — and if I don’t get out there and remove that invasive dark green weed, it will choke out and overtake the tender plant.  Same with those little foxes–those weeds: poor or wrong attitudes, habits, actions, words in marriage.  

Weeds in marriage are pesky, invasive destroyers. Have you thought about those things  lately?

Have you reread some of those earlier embraced books on your shelf?  Have you listened again to recorded messages that were once inspiring to you?  Have you revisited notes, decisions, plans you once had regarding your marriage?  Have you looked back on memories of the sweet words, dates, walks, talks, future-plans?

Is there some cultivating you need to do? You know, every seed grows; and in the seeds of today there are tomorrow’s plants, shrubs, trees, flowers.  Not every seed brings desirable fruit — some are weed seeds — weed seeds that grow into plants and vines that are set to destroy all the beautiful plants. And many a beautiful plant (read: marriage) was destroyed by an invasive weed.

I thought on all this this morning as I took a closer look around the gardens.  And I asked the Lord again, as I did last night, what do You want me to do?  Will you show me the little foxes that are spoiling the vines?  And I ask the Lord… will you fill me and equip me to do Your will, and will You help me to be ever more the wife my husband needs?

Twelve Rules for a Happy Marriage

Author unknown

1.  Don't both be angry at once.

2.  Don't yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

3.  Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise in self-discipline, if you can't think of a better reason.

4.  If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose to make your mate look good.

5.  If you must criticize, do it lovingly.

6.  Don't bring up a mistake of the past.

7.  Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

8.  Don't let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your life's partner.

9.  Don't allow your life's partner to come home without an affectionate greeting.

10. Don't go to bed mad.

11. As soon as you realize you've made a mistake, talk it out and ask sincerely for forgiveness.

12. Remember, it takes two to make an argument.  In most cases, the one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking.

An Unloved WIfe

Used with permission by Dr. Carolyn A. Roth www.CarolynRothMinistry.com Hosea lived in the Northern Kingdom of Israel about the middle of the 8th century before Christ. From the time the Norther Kingdom separated from Judah, the people worshiped idols.  Hosea was God’s prophet. When God told Hosea to marry an idolatrous woman, he married Gomer.  She had three children. Possibly, Hosea was the father of only the first son, or none of the children were his. The Bible recorded that Gomer’s children were children of adultery and conceived in disgrace. Unfaithful during her marriage to Hosea, Gomer had few qualms about leaving him. She believed she could have a better life with various lovers than with Hosea. Gomer left the three children with Hosea; after all, children would only curtail her wanton lifestyle. After leaving Hosea, Gomer took lovers and prostituted herself.  Eventually, living as a prostitute stopped being glamorous.  As Gomer aged, she lost some of her beauty. Men ceased clamoring for her attention.  They wanted someone younger and fresher. Gomer realized that what she left behind with Hosea was better than what she had now. Unthinking or uncaring that she hurt or embarrassed Hosea; Gomer asked Hosea if she could return. His answer was “No way.” He didn’t want Gomer back in either his home or in his bed if she was going to continue her wanton behavior.  Hosea's refusal to take Gomer back must have been okay with God. The Bible provided no indication that God gave Hosea any direction at that point. Destitute, Gomer had no option but to sell herself into slavery so she had food to eat.  We don’t know what she did as a slave. Hopefully, Gomer’s slavery was household or even field work, rather than acting as a sex slave to many men.      What a really sad story for both Hosea and Gomer. Let’s drill down into their relationship to try to make sense of what was happening to both spouses. First, Hosea and Gomer had little affection for each other. Hosea married Gomer because God told him to marry a prostitute. Likely, he had some other type of woman in mind for marriage. Conceivably, Gomer wanted out of her family’s home and the freedom allowed a married woman in society. Perhaps, she was pregnant and needed a husband to cover her shame.  When God told Hosea to marry an adulterous woman, he didn’t direct Hosea to love the woman. In ancient Israel, kinship regulated marriage. Possibly, Gomer was Hosea’s cousin or second cousin. Relative or not, marriage to a harlot brought great shame on Hosea’s entire family. Shame multiplied when the family learned that Gomer was unfaithful and left Hosea. Hosea’s primary relationship was with God. To Hosea it was important to obey God, even if that meant he had an unfaithful wife and humiliated kinsmen.  In Hosea 3:1, God told Hosea not only to redeem Gomer from slavery but to love her. Only at this point did God require Hosea to engage his emotions – he must love a woman who left him for other men. Loving Gomer was harder for Hosea than marrying Gomer. After Hosea purchased Gomer from slavery, he set clear boundaries for their life together: Gomer must not prostitute herself or belong to another man. Hosea would act the same toward Gomer until she has proven her loyalty to him. Only then, would marital relations be resumed. Apparently, Hosea wasn't about resuming sexual relations with Gomer until she proved her loyalty to him; but, he was willing to also be loyal to her in the interim. God gave Israel the same direction for being wed to him as Hosea gave Gomer. The Israelites must stop worshiping other gods. Before God accepted them back into full fellowship, they must repent. If Israel complied, God would restore a full marital relationship between the Israelites and himself. We don’t know if Hosea and Gomer’s husband-wife relationship was ever restored; however, we know that a short time later the Israelites were conquered by the Assyrians and dispersed throughout the Assyrian empire. The Northern Kingdom of Israel didn’t comply with God’s requirements to be a faithful wife.

A Marriage That Soars

by Eileen Rife - Used by permission

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

We've been married almost 35 years, and we love each other in a deeper, more satisfying way than the day we said, "I Do."  But that love has not always come easy or without cost. 

In order to truly love someone, you have to experience the deep places of pain and agitation. Times when you feel so bewildered and frustrated you could just scream. Times when you want to walk out the door and not look back. Times of great loss. Times of disagreement when the solution is cloudy and you see no resolution in sight. This is the stuff of life that God uses to mold a marriage made in heaven. Indeed, marriage will test every fiber in your spiritual fabric.

The struggle to grow a godly marriage can be downright wearisome at times. But God promises the time invested is well-worth the effort. He promises to renew our strength, to mount us up with wings like eagles, if we will commit ourselves and our marriages to Him.

It all begins with the mating ritual. The eagle is a beautiful example of lifelong commitment. In search of a worthy mate, the female eagle flies upside down to capture the eye of a prospective mate. The male eagle who will fly over the female and grip her talons, not letting go, even as she plummets toward the ground below, is the one who has proved that he will remain with her for life. As they both almost crash to the ground, the female releases her hold and flies upright. She is satisfied that her hero has risked everything to prove his love for her.

In the same way, a woman needs to know that her man will lay down his life for her if need be. And a man needs to know that his wife will surrender to his lead.

Furthermore, the eagles are equipped with a six to eight foot wingspan that enables them to fly long distances, as much as three to four thousand miles at a time. In the same way, mates need to know that the other is committed for a lifetime, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death due them part.

Like the eagle, godly marriages go the distance.

Copyright © 2011 Chuck and Eileen Rife - Lifetime Growth Publications
www.guardyourmarriage.com

www.eileenrife.com www.eileen-rife.blogspot.com

Honoring the Husband God Gave You

by Lisa TurKeurst -
Used by permission from Lisa TurKeurst and Family Life Today

http://familylifetoday.com/program/honoring-the-husband-god-gave-you/?utm_campaign=SN-FL-FBpost&utm_medium=social-facebook&utm_source=FLT&utm_content=link-FLT160310&adbsc=social733341&adbid=10153266661616249&adbpl=fb&adbpr=39717321248

Air Date: March 10, 2016


If you are having buyer’s remorse about the man you married, Lysa TerKeurst has some simple yet profound advice. Stop focusing on your own dissatisfaction and start building him up. There is power in humble encouragement. Recorded on FamilyLife’s 2016 Love Like You Mean It® marriage cruise.

Download Transcript
 

Single Girls, Walk it out!

by Michelle Gill  www.rebornjoy.com

I was a sixteen year old girl when I asked God what He wanted for my life.  I was certain that He told me that He wanted me to be a wife and also a mother.  I wrote poems, said prayers, collected recipes, read books, ...waiting for that man.  I graduated high school with no other plans than family.  I went to work at my first coffee shop and waited.  And waited.   And waited.  I went back to college and graduated at twenty-five and waited.  And waited.  I moved eighteen times in twelve years thinking surely my life would begin somewhere new.  I tried singles groups, internet dating, this pursuit and that.

I met Russell when I was almost thirty-three.  I married at thirty-four.  Finally.  We had our daughter one year later. Four years later he died.

Two years later people began to ask me what I was going to do about being single again.  People told me not to wait around that I was getting too old.  People told me that I needed to do something. People told me that my daughter needed a father.

I chose to practice what I learned the first time in waiting.  I definitely was not perfect in my waiting the first go round, so some of this was learned in trial and error.  Some of the things that I knew were true, I had to just hold on to in faith because I had not seen it walked out in front of me.  Sometimes when you don't know anyone living by faith or living a life of purity then it is hard to be confident in that lifestyle when you are walking it out alone.  That is one of the reasons that I write this article.  There are some things that you need to know are true and hold to regardless of what well-meaning people say and regardless of your circumstances so you can - walk it out!

1. God will show you your future.  Just ask Him.  He will speak to you and direct your paths.
2. Everyone has to wait on something.  Waiting is part of life.  Life is not fair.  Accept it.
3. You don't need to "find" your husband.  God will bring him.  Many people told me that I needed to do this or that and the first time I tried it all.  In the end both my husbands came to me out of absolutely no effort of my own.
4. A husband won't make you happy.  Be happy now.  It is a choice.  Happiness is a daily choice whether you are married or not.
5. Choose wisely because marriage is hard.
6. Live well single and you will live well married.
7. Cook for your health now instead of waiting for that family life.  I hear people say all the time that they can't cook for one.  I did.  I practiced and I shared. If you don't cook now, you will have a hard time changing your habits then.
8. Learn to die to yourself now and be filled with the Holy Spirit.  He is your greatest asset in marriage.
9. Have fun now.  Enjoy your life.  A happy person is much more attractive anyway.
10. Learn to take care of your inner self as well as outer self because being healthy is a lot more fun.
11. Learn to pray well.
12. Be thankful.  If you desire being married, thank God for the specific things that you desire in a husband before they come to be.  Thank Him in advance.
13. Stay pure in every way including your thought life.  Guard your thinking!
14. If you date at all, be careful with dating.  Yes, I said if you date at all.  Dating can increase your taste for change and dissatisfaction.  Experiencing relationships with different men can cause you to unconsciously compare and give you a taste for things that aren't in your husbands personality.  As with me, it can get you used to moving on instead of investing.  Plus you need to ask yourself, if you truly believe God will bring your husband into your life.  I chose not to date the second time around and He guided me the whole way.
15. Give.  Invest in others.  It is hard not to become self-focused unintentionally when you live alone.
16. Keep a watch on your relationship with God.  Disappointment can sneak in like a worm and eat away before you know it.
17. Laugh.  Laugh a lot.
18. Walk it out.  Sometimes we have to practice our trust in God before it is deepened to our reality.  Walk out your trust and watch Him follow through. 

A Screwtape Letter For the Unappreciated Mom

by Kelsey Shade - OrganizingLifeWithLittles.com 
Used by permission

My Dear Wormwood,

I was thrilled to hear you have been making progress with the mother.  You have a good lead, from what I hear.  She feels over-worked, unappreciated, and discouraged?  I’m so glad to hear it.  If you tread carefully, this can be a great opportunity.  With the kids waking her up every hour last night, we already have an advantage.  A tired Mom makes for a more emotional Mom, and an emotional Mom is a vulnerable one.

I do have a few tips.  First, aim your best efforts at her marriage.

As you know, we cannot do much with a unified marriage.  Luckily for us, a cranky and exhausted wife can do wonders to change that.  We must convince her that her husband is no longer the friend and ally she first married.  Instead, we must reveal every sin and selfish habit, especially drawing attention to his thoughtless actions (mal-intended or not) against her.

Sometimes it’s the less obvious things, things the husband doesn’t even realize, that we can use to offend her the most.  When he comes home from work and dumps his things on the counter nearest the door (instead of hanging his coat or putting away his keys), let her think of it as a direct assault on her work as a homekeeper.  When he treks mud in with his shoes, let her think it is because he does not love her.  Such extremes of thought may seem ridiculous to you or I, but to the exhausted mortal woman, it can seem possible.  Your goal is to make her think the husband does not notice, or even better, that he does not care about her efforts at home.

Secondly, do what you can to keep her focused on her troubles and pains.  Remind her how much her back aches, how draining the children were all day, and how many undone tasks still beckon her.  Do not let her wonder what difficulties her husband faced that day or whether his back might also be aching.  Valuing others above oneself is one of those silly, though strangely effective, tactics of the Enemy.  If she stops to make him a cup of coffee, the next thing you know she’ll be rubbing his shoulders and flirting with him on the couch.  It can progress out of your control if you’re not careful.
Along those lines, be sure the Mother starts to value productivity above everything else.  Have her wake up early and work non-stop until bedtime.  If the husband relaxes in the evening with an hour of computer gaming, be sure the wife notices the pile of unfolded laundry or unswept floors.  Do not let her grab a book and relax alongside her husband.  Diligence, often one of the Enemy’s virtues, when overdone can be used to our advantage as well.  Convince her that as long as there is a shred of work to be done (and there always is), no one should be resting.  Then, as she folds and sweeps and he sits, you can introduce the sweet bitterness of resentment.

A word of caution here.  Remember, the love of a husband can be dangerous to our cause.  If he senses her unhappiness, he may begin to help or (even worse) show her affection.  This is where previously planted seeds of resentment can be guided into full bloom.  Make her think that his displays of affection are because he “only wants one thing.”  Do not let her view his help with the dishes (or kisses or cuddling) as having pure motives.  If he shows his desire for her, convince her that she is being used, not loved.  As we both know, the ultimate Act of Marriage can bond them together in a way that can undo much hard work on our part.  Because of this, do not allow her to prioritize that Act on her mental to-do-list.  It is in our best interest to keep the wife busy, busy, busy and be sure she’s far too exhausted to consider it by the end of the evening.

Now, onto the children.  Lovely little opportunities for us, the children, especially the little ones.  We all know that children are a favorite tool of the Enemy.  He calls them Blessings and Gifts and calls parents to lay down their lives for them, just as his Son did.  Insane, I know.  We must convince her that the obnoxious little people she has charge of are not really worth her sacrifice.  When the Mother first dreamed of having children, she probably imagined large, innocent eyes and chubby, happy grins taking up the majority of her days.  Do your best to shatter those expectations.

Instead, draw attention to how much they take from her.  Let them take and take and take…  And need and need and need, until the Mother feels totally spent.  Let them start crying at the same time for the most irrational of reasons.  Let the noise bother her.  Let their bad behavior surprise her.  Do your best to make the day-to-day monotony of diaper changes, meals, and baths seem simultaneously overwhelming and beneath her.  Let her think of all the better, more important things she could be doing with her life, if only she didn’t have the children.

Don’t let her think about the future responsible, faithful adults she is raising.  Society changers, friends, workers, husbands or wives…  Don’t let her think of them as life-long companions who will love her, converse with her, and care for her in her old age.  Oh, and definitely don’t let her think about the grandchildren she might be able to see in their little grubby faces if she looked hard enough now.  No, no, no…  Thinking ahead to when her work bears fruit, as the Enemy calls it, is always a bad idea.  Keep words like ‘heritage’ or ‘legacy’ far away from the runny noses and jelly stains of the day to day.

If there is any last piece of advice I have for you, Wormwood, it is to keep the Mother looking to her husband or family for her fulfillment and comfort.  We know that the Enemy is always watching and willing to take the burdens of his children, but if we divert the Mother’s attention well enough, this fact can be forgotten.  Make her look to her husband for worth and affirmation.  Then, when he lets her down (as he is sure to do), she will be ours to torment.  Yes, the worst thing that could happen would be for her to turn to Him with her needs and inadequacies.  Once she realizes that the Enemy offers a peace that transcends her situation, our work could be utterly compromised.

Your Malevolent Uncle,
Screwtape


Kelsey is a Christian momma of three boys (ages 1, 3, and 5) who blogs on home organizing and mom encouragement at OrganizingLifeWithLittles.com.

Simplicity in Happiness

by Promise Cook ~ Used by permission

When my husband, Jeremy, was little he collected rocks...so do both of our girls, Annabelle (10) and Charlotte (4).  I have jars full of rocks!  A lot of the gravel from my driveway is also in jars in my house because it was a "really pretty rock!"  The other day Jeremy brought home this rock from work and gave it to me.  It made my day!  Life isn't as complicated as we make it...it's really very simple to be happy where you are with what you have and to share your joy with others, even if it's as simple as a heart-shaped rock.

Reflections of a Preacher’s Wife: Post-it Note #158

by Connie Post
July 19, 2015
http://graceintherealworld.com/ - Used by permission

Today is my 18^th wedding anniversary. My husband was already a preacher when I married him and so my life has been on display before a congregation of people since before I said “I do”. All these years later we have ministered in many settings to multiple congregations and have been blessed with 5 great kids.

We have been supported and loved and prayed for by the people of our congregations. They have celebrated our victories and walked with us through some dark and challenging days. Those folks who have made a difference for us are the ones that know the following things:

1. The preacher’s family is a real family. They don’t have it all together. They are sinners just like the rest of the world and can’t be held up on a pedestal or unrealistic standard. They blow it sometimes. They lose it with their kids. They are learning as they go, just like you are. Sometimes their house is a wreck. Sometimes they need a break or a vacation or time away. They don’t know the answers to every question. They need your prayers for wisdom.
2. The preacher’s kids are kids. They act like kids. They might run at church if Mom isn’t watching. They don’t come into the world knowing how to act. And when they are at church their dad is working so mom is a “single-mom” on Sunday mornings. If you talk to her at church expect her to be looking over your shoulder while listening so that she can keep her eyes on her kids. Because EVERY unsupervised kid wants to jump on the stage or swing from a chandelier whether they are related to the preacher or not. They need your prayers to balance it all.
3. Preacher’s kids give up their dad a lot. They share him with everyone. Mom is often the one teaching them to ride bikes and taking them to recitals and soccer games because Dad is ministering to the church family. So it’s likely they didn’t see dad all day Saturday and greeting time on Sunday is the first time they’ve seen him in a while. If they go hug their dad on Sunday morning, it’s because they need too and not because they are trying to interrupt “real ministry” to the church. Preacher’s come and go, but he’s the only Dad they have. The preacher’s family doesn’t get a quiet holiday at home. Dad is planning an event for the church family to come to.  So if the preacher’s kids seem tired, clingy or out of sorts, they need to be given a little slack. They need your prayers for strength.
4. The preacher’s family is under attack. Satan loves to trample on the preacher’s family. He comes after their marriage, their kids individually, and their family unit. He is constantly trying to distract them and cause disunity. And often Saturday night or Sunday morning is when he takes his best shots. So maybe the kids aren’t all dressed to the nines and their hair isn’t smooth as glass on Sunday morning. Maybe mom is looking a little frazzled. She got those kids dressed by herself and out the door and maybe what she’s wearing at the moment is the best she could do on this particular morning because she was so busy fighting the devil to even get there. Judgment never helps the preacher’s family. It only adds to Satan’s schemes. They need your prayers for protection.
5. The preacher may be a godly man, but he’s still a man. You can’t expect more of him than he can give. And the preacher’s wife may be a godly woman but she’s just a woman with limitations too.  Sometimes she has to say “no” to the lists of tasks and responsibilities that others want from her. Her number one priority is her family. She can’t apologize or feel guilty for that. It’s hard to make choices like this, because nobody want to say  “no” to people they are called to minister to and yet don’t want to short change their family.  It’s a constant tightrope.  They need your prayers for stamina.
6. The preacher’s family answers to God for their actions, their parenting, and their ministry. They shouldn’t be expected to act according to the standards of individuals in the church. They can’t parent their kids according to the way others parent. They should be allowed to minister according to their spiritual gifts and not according to the list of expectations of what a preacher of preacher’s wife or preacher’s kids should do, look like or be like. They need your prayers for courage.
7. When they go through a tough time, they need your support. It’s hard to struggle publicly. It’s hard to live in a “fish bowl” for everyone to watch. They need your love and they need your prayers.

5 Habits That Will Save Your Marriage

 by Daniel Colston - Used by permission

 http://www.danielcolston.com/?p=329

 

 

1. Communicate Well.

Your partner doesn’t know what you don’t tell them. 

Please just do yourself a huge favor and be honest 

with them about what’s going on in your life. You 

have to open up to your partner or they won’t be 

able to get to know you. Share with them what you 

think about, what your dreams are, and 

constructive feedback about them. Be known 

by your spouse! Overcommunicate, dialogue, 

engage, and laugh, but don’t stop there.

A lot of people have no problem articulating their 

feelings, but they’re still horrible communicators because 

that’s only half the process of communication. And 

the other half is just as important! It’s listening. And 

it’s implied in listening that you’re also understanding. 

AT LEAST 20% of quarrels could be totally avoided by

simply listening to and understanding your partner. 

Please do your spouse and everyone else around you 

a huge favor by actually listening when they are talking.
Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions, or think about 

what you’re going to say while they’re talking. Just 

listen. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache, and 

grow your professional skills as well.

2. Love Your Spouse More Than You Love Yourself.

As humans we’re all egotistical self-loving manipulators. 

It doesn’t work too well when you put two of those things

together in the same cage, for life. But that’s what we call

marriage. And the only way it works is when both
egotistical self-loving manipulators consciously battle 

the selfishness within them. Over time this creates 

two well-adjusted  human beings who have learned 

the art of compromise and humility. Loving your 

spouse more than you do yourself is excellent 

because it allows your spouse to love you more 

than they love themselves! What could possibly 

 be better than someone who cares about you 

more than you do yourself?

3. Stop Expecting So Much.

You need to remember that your spouse is just as human 

as you are. No matter how sexy she was when you were

dating, she is not a goddess and she will not look that 

way forever. No matter how good he was at wooing 

you, he will sometimes smell, burp, a wear clothes 

that don’t match. If you expect too much from your 

spouse then you end up placing a burden on them 

that they cannot carry. You end up unsatisfied and 

they end up crushed with feelings of failure.

4. Forgive.

You are more intimate with your spouse than anyone

else which means you are also more vulnerable to 

them than anyone else. When they hurt you it can 

feel more damaging than hurt from others because 

they are so close to you. The tendency is to hold it 

against them, get bitter about it, and use it for 

leverage in the next argument. You try  to mete 

out just punishment on them by quietly distancing
yourself, making cutting remarks, and withholding
affection. This is so damaging to your relationship.

Your love given and reciprocated tanks will be empty.

You go from “in love” to “indifferent” to “spiteful.”
The only way to free yourself from this is to forgive
and then do your best to forget.

5. Value Them More Than Anyone Else.

If you consider anyone a better “best friend” than your
spouse then you’re in dangerous territory. No one, not 

even your kids, should take relational precedence 

over your spouse. Your wife is more important 

than your golf buds. Your husband should be more
important to you than your parents. This means that 

the opinions, values, and plans of your spouse are 

more important to you than anyone else’s.

Reduce Your Problems by up to 50% by Releasing the Past

by Dr. Dave Peterson, LPC
http://drdavepeterson.com/
Used by permission

We could effectively reduce the number of problems experienced in life by up to one third if we released our past. If we release the past with forgiveness, accepting forgiveness, trusting, and reconciling, only when it is warranted, and learn from ours and others’ mistakes so that we don’t repeat them in the present, then we might reduce our present problems by fifty percent. Would your life be better if problems were reduced by up to fifty percent and all you needed to deal with were present and future problems.

Many prefer not to release the embarrassments, failures, hurts, sins, and traumatic events of their past. Some fear to release the past thinking it would create more problems. The past might create more problems if not released safely. Others would release the past if they knew how to do so safely. There are those who deal with their past and live for today with hope for tomorrow. Would you like to join these?

Some events in the past may be hard to release because they have all the elements of embarrassment, failure, hurt, sin, and trauma  in them. As I have counseled for over 35 years I have found that most people have some blight in their past. Past events may be a growth and maturing element, or they may be your secret to cover up. Covering a secret can use energy, time, and money.

Someone put the past in perspective well when they said, “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” Attention, energy, resources and time are better spent on today and tomorrow.

I made a list of things I learned through an experience in my past about myself, others, and God. My list had 143 observations to apply in my life. This was a crash educational experience that has served me and others well as I have counseled over the years.

Releasing the past has freed me from many problems and allowed me to help others.

Question: Would you agree the past can be a character builder, rather than destroyer?
 Is it an overstatement to say we could reduce our problems by up to fifty percent by releasing the past and not repeating it?
Source: 2 Corinthians 5:17, 18

New King James Version (NKJV)
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
18 Now all things are of God, who has reconsiled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,

Treat Your Spouse at Least as Well as You Treat People at Church or Work

by Dr. Dave Peterson, LPC

http://drdavepeterson.com - Used by permission

A person in marital counseling was beginning to understand when they said, “I get it, what you are saying is that I should treat my spouse at least as well as I treat the people at work, or church.” At least this was a good start.

Think about how you treat people OUTSIDE the home. You greet them, “Good morning,” not “Murmur, mutter.” You say, “Please” and “Thank you,” not, “Give me that.” You call people by name, “Charles,” not “Hey you.” You use “Yes, Sir” and “Ma’am,” not “Yup, okay.” You converse with others, rather than give them the silent treatment. You may reply to, “When do you need this done?” with, “I needed it yesterday, but when do you think you can get it done?” You don’t yell across the room, you walk over to people and speak with a gentle and quiet voice. Differences are dealt with privately, not in front of an audience. You take every opportunity to encourage others in their work. You listen without interruption. You suggest solutions to problems and discuss them.

You do this every day at work, why not at home? These twelve little courtesies raise the probability you will keep your job. Maybe these ways would keep your marriage strong and your children from rebelling.

Some say, “Yes, but that is work. Home should be where you relax, let your guard down, be yourself.” I’d like to tell you that I never let my guard down, but I will also tell you it doesn’t go well when I do. When I do practice these twelve simple courtesies I find I do relax at home, I find pleasure being there.

Practice these courtesies for thirty days at home and they will become as natural there as they are at work. See if it doesn’t make a great difference in your home life.

Question: Have you faced a moment recently where lack of basic courtesy was easier than taking the high road? How did you convince yourself to take the high road and see it through? What was the result? Please  leave a comment.

Source: Ephesians 5:21-33

New King James Version (NKJV)

²¹ submitting to one another in the fear of God.
²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Commit to Be a Covering

"Reborn Joy" is the meaning of my name, great title for my life, and our website address.  In this section of the newsletter, I share some things about living my life with Jesus.  
Hope you enjoy.  - Michelle Gill  www.rebornjoy.com

Matt. 21:22, I Pet. 3:1,2

At the ending of my first marriage, my only real regret was not committing to pray for my husband daily during our marriage.  Life and immediate needs took priority of the time I had in prayer.  One of the greatest blessings that we have the power to offer our husbands is a daily covering of prayer.

I remember being so convicted of this after Russell's death when I looked back on our five year marriage.  I believe another reason that I did not pray fervently for him was that my life would have had to change too much.  What an underlying root of selfishness that rested in me!  It takes effort to concentrate in prayer unless there is a pervasive need.  It takes time and no one has extra time.

Yet there is no other greater gift I could give someone.  During my single years in the in-between, I felt a need to stand in at times in prayer for those I knew who had no one to intercede for them.  I also prayed for my husband before I knew who he was, as if I were already his wife, because God had told me that I would marry again.  Now, once again, life tends to get in the way and concentrated prayer for Mark does not even cross my mind at times.  I have seen the difference in him when I am praying regularly for him and when I am not, as I am sure he can see the same in me. 

Anything worth doing takes effort and life takes discipline.  I now commit to cover my man daily in the wonderful incense of sincere prayer.  I offer it to him without his knowing as a sacrifice because focus and discipline do not come naturally to me.  There is nothing greater I can offer him of myself.

"For the Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him."  Lam. 3:25

I know the power of His Holy Spirit is able to fill my husband, protect him, and meet every need that he has and then some.  I commit to stand in for him and cannot wait to see all that God has in store for us.  I can use the excuse that Mark is a godly man who prays about every area already, but God calls us to pray for one another and He blesses that agreement with Him.  Agreeing with Him and coming boldly to His throne to talk with Him, knowing He gives to those who ask.

Whether you are married or not, who can you offer the covering of prayer to?  Is there a lack of follow through in your life to something God has called you to in prayer?  I challenge you to commit and open your eyes to all God can do.

Next month.. Taking a Full Stride into the Life God is Calling You To....

More on prayer from past Heart to Heart Newsletters:

http://heartfilledhome.blogspot.com/2011/01/celebrating-fathers-how-to-pray-for.html

http://heartfilledhome.blogspot.com/2013/07/how-to-pray-for-your-children-and.html
http://heartfilledhome.blogspot.com/2011/01/strength-and-power-through-husbands-and.html