WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT DISCIPLINE AND LOVE
by Lois Breneman, © 2009, Heart to Heart
by Lois Breneman, © 2009, Heart to Heart
When our first child was seven, I put made a picture book on discipline to read to our children. She saw the title, "What God Says about Discipline" on the cover, and said to me, "Why don't you add, 'And Love' in the title?" A great idea, which I followed, by the way. She knew we were using that method of discipline and love in our home.
The book consisted of scripture verses about discipline from the book of Proverbs using the scripture verse and an appropriate picture. I've saved all kinds of pictures through the years for this purpose. This book has been a treasured book through the years, and is now laminated to preserve it.
Some illustrated scriptures in that book are the following: Proverbs 29:19, 6:20-23, 3:11-12, 13:24, 17:14, 19:19, 20:30, 20:20, 22:6, 22:15, 19:26, 23:13-14, 26:21,29:15, 29:17 There are many more good ones in Proverbs and Ephesians!
In our family, we had been using "controlled spanking," but only for willful and defiant behavior. When a child crossed the line, we privately explained to that child how we as parents needed to obey God in all things, even in disciplining our children, as He gave us instructions in the Bible. We wanted to follow what God said, because all of His rules were for our own good - to make us better and happier people, as we obeyed Him. So we'd ask the child why he or she thought discipline was necessary, making sure they understood why they were being corrected. The child was then told to bend down and hold his knees or lay across the edge of a bed. A few swats were administered to their posterior with a wooden spoon, enough to hurt, but nothing violent. Next we would love the child, tell him he was forgiven, give hugs and kisses, talk and pray with him. Part of the talking was lovingly reviewing with him how he should behave the next time a similar situation came up. Biblical discipline does take some time, but then it is over and done with, and with good results.
On the other hand, I know parents who discipline by using "time outs," having to hold the child in a seat, as he screams violently and the parent has to raise his or her voice to be speak to the child. When this method was used, it was agony for all those in the house. I do not believe in swatting or beating a child, nor do I believe in spanking and just leaving the child to pout. It is a process as explained above, and only for defiant behavior.
Spanking does not produce violent children, as some may think. Our three children and countless other children I know who have been raised in this manner are very well adjusted and loving adults today, with wonderful relationships with their parents.
By the way, Dr. Dobson only believes in spanking for willful and defiant disobedience as well - not for every little thing, and certainly not for accidents. He wrote the New Dare to Discipline book, in which he has mellowed a bit on his approach. I highly recommend his book.
TO SPANK OF NOT TO SPANK?
Excerpted from "Moments Together for Couples" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used with permission. Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. To purchase the book, visit http://store.familylife.com/detail.asp?id=1170
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
What can make a child cry and a group of parents tense up like they are about to receive a shot at the doctor's office? It's the S word-spanking.
Most of us know that the book of Proverbs affirms using "the rod of discipline." Because some parents have physically abused their children, an increasing number of people consider spanking to be synonymous with child abuse.
However, I believe properly administered spanking is a positive, biblical approach to raising children. Here are two simple guidelines:
First, clarify the boundaries and the punishment for the offense. Decide what behavior is "worth" a spanking, and be sure your child understands it. We have six children, and we only have half a dozen issues warranting a spanking. We have used spanking sparingly, as a last resort in the training of our children. But we have used it.
Second, it should not be administered in anger but out of love, and in the context of a relationship with the child. The purpose is to help the child understand that his or her wrong choices have consequences. We always loved on our children before and after they'd been disciplined. I didn't get that many spankings as a child, but I can tell you this-I always felt loved, and I definitely needed the correction!
As parents, we are in the process of producing a harvest of character, helping our children learn to be responsive to God and themselves for their lives. As parents, we can't gloss over flagrant disobedience and pretend it didn't occur. If we do, we allow foolishness, rather than wisdom, to have a foothold in our children's hearts.
Discuss: Are you and your spouse in agreement when it comes to disciplining your child? What are your boundaries and the penalties for crossing them?
Pray: Ask God to give you the courage to follow the Scriptures in your family. Ask Him to help you achieve that blend of authority and love that tells your children that you really care about them.
Excerpted from "Moments Together for Couples" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used with permission. Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. To purchase the book, visit http://store.familylife.com/detail.asp?id=1170
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
What can make a child cry and a group of parents tense up like they are about to receive a shot at the doctor's office? It's the S word-spanking.
Most of us know that the book of Proverbs affirms using "the rod of discipline." Because some parents have physically abused their children, an increasing number of people consider spanking to be synonymous with child abuse.
However, I believe properly administered spanking is a positive, biblical approach to raising children. Here are two simple guidelines:
First, clarify the boundaries and the punishment for the offense. Decide what behavior is "worth" a spanking, and be sure your child understands it. We have six children, and we only have half a dozen issues warranting a spanking. We have used spanking sparingly, as a last resort in the training of our children. But we have used it.
Second, it should not be administered in anger but out of love, and in the context of a relationship with the child. The purpose is to help the child understand that his or her wrong choices have consequences. We always loved on our children before and after they'd been disciplined. I didn't get that many spankings as a child, but I can tell you this-I always felt loved, and I definitely needed the correction!
As parents, we are in the process of producing a harvest of character, helping our children learn to be responsive to God and themselves for their lives. As parents, we can't gloss over flagrant disobedience and pretend it didn't occur. If we do, we allow foolishness, rather than wisdom, to have a foothold in our children's hearts.
Discuss: Are you and your spouse in agreement when it comes to disciplining your child? What are your boundaries and the penalties for crossing them?
Pray: Ask God to give you the courage to follow the Scriptures in your family. Ask Him to help you achieve that blend of authority and love that tells your children that you really care about them.
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