Blessing Husbands and Fathers in the Home

by Pamela Spurling who seeks to follow the LORD after the manner of Titus 2 - www.achristianhome.org  
TheWelcomeHome-subscribe@WeLoveGod.org - The Welcome Home - June 11, 2005 - Used by permission

 

Do you know husbands and fathers who are so blessed by their wives and families that they *look* blessed?  And then, do you know men who appear as though they aren't really blessed or recognized in love by their wives and families?

Blessing Husbands and Fathers in the home... This is what I want to share with you today.

We all know that our husbands/fathers are human and as such, they make mistakes, forget things, react to situations differently than perhaps they ought... but no matter what they do or don't do, we are exhorted in Scripture to honor them, to submit to them and to respect them.  I suppose some husbands/fathers are a bit easier to accommodate or bless than others and some wives are a bit more in tune than others to seek out ways to bless and honor the husband/father in the home.  I pray that wherever you find yourself in this picture, that you will use this Father's Day to bless and honor your husband... the father in your home and to make it a turning point if you have neglected this important area.

One of the saddest and most hurtful things I can think of is the degradation and the condescension some wives display toward or about their husbands.  You know why this is so damaging?  Not only is it a violation of Scripture, but also the children pick up on it and then display some of the same rude or dishonoring tendencies or behavior toward their fathers.  It is then a contradiction between what the Scriptures teach and what is modeled for the children.  It is a contradiction for the role of the wife and mother as well.  Whereas she ought to be a living example of the Word, she is displaying contempt for the Word by the way she is living.  You may have seen this and it may be or have been a part of your life and behavior.  O, sister in the LORD, I pray that if this is a trap into which you  have fallen that you will seek the Face of the LORD and will turn from those ways and that you will seek to live in a manner holy and acceptable unto the LORD and to your husband.  Your children will follow the pattern you set in the home concerning thoughts about and responses toward their father.

What's prompted me to write about this today?  Well, many times, and more recently, I have been in situations talking with women and little side comments are made that at first appear to be spoken in jest but then are seen for what they are: stinging barbs about or against their husbands.  The snickering behind his back, the little comments may seem harmless at the time, but they're really loaded with innuendo or derogatory intent. These are the comments that make the others in the group nervously chuckle and if the husband is present, he may smile or even laugh... but on the inside he has been wounded once again.  These are the kinds of wounds that stay with a man... that wear him down and make him withdraw.  ((These are the very things that fuel snide remarks some husbands make about their wives---those comments that cut like a knife))  Additionally, these are often the comments that drain the enthusiasm and life right out of him, rendering him unresponsive---even ineffective.  Sadly, then, the children seem to take these comments as the cue that they can speak in the same manner, further adding to the undermining of the father and degradation of his leadership or authority in the home

Proverbs 31.27 "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."

Our society today seems to feed on this sort of behavior and even capitalize on it in the media.  As I understand it, the "television fathers" are often characterized as spineless, even ignorant or silly fools.  The media portrays our society as having no need of the traditional home headed by a strong father.  Women freely discuss the shortcomings and their discontent with their husbands and unashamedly share their husband's perceived inadequacies.  What a travesty...... but does it have to be this way, or should it be this way in the Christian home?  By no means.  In the Christian home, there should be a marked difference in the way the father is thought of, spoken about and treated.  There should be no putting down of the father, no rolling of the eyes, no sarcasm or sighing or disgust at his comments. These behaviours, which the unsaved world employs, should never occur in the home where the husband and father should be revered and highly esteemed and as marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, no wife should engage in this way of living.

Sadly, these behaviors *do* happen every day in Christian homes. Sisters, do you know what I am talking about?  It's very grievous, isn't it!?  And it should be... I think it's likely that we've all been guilty of this at one time or another.  I know I have and perhaps that's why the LORD has prompted me to write this today.  Perhaps in the ladies Bible study you have shared---in the name of prayer---that you are married to a lousy provider... a cheating husband... an inept father.  Perhaps in a group you have either intentionally or unintentionally put him down... mocking his inability to get something done, making a back handed comment about his inadequacies.  Maybe you have commented loudly that he never gets all his projects done... and probably never will... you know...

Maybe he is all of these things... maybe he isn't all you hoped he would be... maybe he doesn't do what he says he will do... maybe he never will get all those projects done ---- but, you know ... so what.  So what.  Are any of those things more important than him-the person the LORD has designed you to complete---your husband?  What *is* important is that you love him. What's important is that you esteem and respect him.  What's important is that you demonstrate it to him. What's important is that you show it around your children.  What's important is that you demonstrate that reverential love around others. What's important is that you learn to mean it with your whole heart.  Even if he never gets that shed cleaned out.  Even if he never gets the yard in order or mows that lawn diagonally so it looks better than neighbor Joe's.  Even if he never says things the way you think he should, or chews with his mouth closed,  or keeps his shirt tucked in right, or gets you the right birthday presents or finishes household projects.  Even if he never makes you all the wooden goodies Mr. John Doe makes for his wife, or never buys you surprise gifts. Even if he never learns anything more about automobiles than where to put the key to start them and where to put the gas to keep them running.  So what. What's important is that you do what the LORD has designed you to do... and let the LORD work on your husband's weak spots.  I think we have much to work on without overly concerning ourselves with what they are or are not.  There is an amazing thing that wives can do and that is to love and support and build up husbands, and what a joyful thing it is to see the husband growing into the man God has designed him to be.

So, if you have been caught in the trap or habit of putting down your husband, mocking his leadership, disobeying known desires, disrespecting his words and views... rolling your eyes at his latest idea... sighing at his most recent business plan... you can turn.  You can turn today.  You can turn today and travel a different path. You can turn today and travel the path that God has designed for you.

 

I have come to believe that the most important role we have as parents is the role of helping and training our children to love the LORD, to hear His voice, see His ways, know His commands and obey Him wholeheartedly.  I am seeking more and more to learn how to help them have a swift obedient response to His slightest promptings.  As a wife and mother, one way I am seeing this accomplished is in the teaching of swift obedience to their Daddy.  When he asks them to do something, I want them to immediately obey him, having their hearts trained and focused on pleasing him each day.  Now, this is my desire and my goal... but what if I were to continually roll my eyes when he was talking to me, or groaning at his asking me to do this or that thing. What if I were to say 'okay' to the request he was making on the way out the door and then do the exact opposite when he drove away down the lane?  I'd be teaching hypocrisy, and I'd be teaching deception to the children, wouldn't I?  My children would grow to be deceptive and if left unchecked, this behaviour would permeate into other areas and any respect the children may have had for their father would likely erode away.  What a shame this would be.  We learn much about this in Proverbs... specifically, Proverbs 14.1 "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."

Sunday is Father's Day.  The one day of the year designated to honor Dad.  Maybe it will be the day this year that you designate to begin the change in your behavior and responses.  O, I pray that you will join me in renewing your desire to live in a manner pleasing to the LORD.  That the husband/father the LORD has given you will be a man who is highly esteemed and honored in his home... and for each one, may every day be Father's Day.

God bless you as you endeavor to love and serve the LORD, our High King of Heaven.