by Daniel Colston - Used by permission
Your partner doesn’t know what you don’t tell them.
As humans we’re all egotistical self-loving manipulators.
You need to remember that your spouse is just as human
The only way to free yourself from this is to forgive
and then do your best to forget.
1. Communicate Well.
Your partner doesn’t know what you don’t tell them.
Please just do yourself a
huge favor and be honest
with them about what’s going on in your life.
You
have to open up to your partner or they won’t be
able to get to know
you. Share with them what you
think about, what your dreams are, and
constructive feedback about them. Be known
by your spouse!
Overcommunicate, dialogue,
engage, and laugh, but don’t stop there.
A
lot of people have no problem articulating their
feelings, but they’re
still horrible communicators because
that’s only half the process of
communication. And
the other half is just as important! It’s listening.
And
it’s implied in listening that you’re also understanding.
AT LEAST
20% of quarrels could be totally avoided by
simply listening to and
understanding your partner.
Please do your spouse and everyone else
around you
a huge favor by actually listening when they are talking.
Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions, or think about
Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions, or think about
what you’re going
to say while they’re talking. Just
listen. You’ll save yourself a lot of
heartache, and
grow your professional skills as well.
2. Love Your Spouse More Than You Love Yourself.
As humans we’re all egotistical self-loving manipulators.
It doesn’t work
too well when you put two of those things
together in the same cage, for
life. But that’s what we call
marriage. And the only way it works is
when both
egotistical self-loving manipulators consciously battle
egotistical self-loving manipulators consciously battle
the
selfishness within them. Over time this creates
two well-adjusted human
beings who have learned
the art of compromise and humility. Loving your
spouse more than you do yourself is excellent
because it allows your
spouse to love you more
than they love themselves! What could possibly
be better than someone who cares about you
more than you do yourself?
3. Stop Expecting So Much.
You need to remember that your spouse is just as human
as you are. No
matter how sexy she was when you were
dating, she is not a goddess and
she will not look that
way forever. No matter how good he was at wooing
you, he will sometimes smell, burp, a wear clothes
that don’t match. If
you expect too much from your
spouse then you end up placing a burden on
them
that they cannot carry. You end up unsatisfied and
they end up
crushed with feelings of failure.
4. Forgive.
You
are more intimate with your spouse than anyone
else which means you are
also more vulnerable to
them than anyone else. When they hurt you it
can
feel more damaging than hurt from others because
they are so close
to you. The tendency is to hold it
against them, get bitter about it,
and use it for
leverage in the next argument. You try to mete
out just
punishment on them by quietly distancing
yourself, making cutting remarks, and withholding
affection. This is so damaging to your relationship.
yourself, making cutting remarks, and withholding
affection. This is so damaging to your relationship.
Your love given and reciprocated tanks will be empty.
You go from “in love”
to “indifferent” to “spiteful.” The only way to free yourself from this is to forgive
and then do your best to forget.
5. Value Them More Than Anyone Else.
If
you consider anyone a better “best friend” than your
spouse then you’re in dangerous territory. No one, not
spouse then you’re in dangerous territory. No one, not
even your kids, should take
relational precedence
over your spouse. Your wife is more important
than your golf buds. Your husband should be more
important to you than your parents. This means that
important to you than your parents. This means that
the opinions, values, and plans of your spouse
are
more important to you than anyone else’s.
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