Life Lessons - Teaching Our Children to Parent

by Julie Druck - http://lifeinskunkhollow.blogspot.com
Used by permission

  I love our porch swing for a variety of reasons. It’s a great place for eating breakfast on a summer’s morning, moon viewing when the orb hangs over the barn, and quiet planning on an early autumn afternoon.  My favorite porch swing moments, however, are when one of my four men join me there.  Somehow that location always seems to loosen tongues – we’ve had some great talks on that swing. 
   

  Just recently it was Eli who joined me on the swing on a lovely spring afternoon.  We talked about this and that for awhile, and then he popped out a question that surprised yet pleased me.  Eli asked, “How did you and Dad know how to do a good job of raising us?”  His question was asked in such a way that it seemed he wanted to store up whatever answers I gave him for the future.  I thought for a few moments and then tried to sum up a long season of  “training up a child in the way he should go.”  My response wasn’t as concise as what’s been written below, but I believe he got the gist of things.  Obviously, summing up our child-rearing philosophy is difficult to do in just a few points, but I believe these things are the foundation to all else. I share these things here in the hopes of encouraging other’s hearts to seek out God’s wisdom and apply it to their own parenting.   

  * Recognizing the Love of God in His Commands – Marty and I have tasted and seen that God is good.  We have learned His joy and peace by walking in the wisdom and ways of God.  We have experienced His love through keeping His commands.  We’ve tried to instill in our boys that we serve a personal, loving Heavenly Father who cares about the most intimate details of our lives.  We have taught them to obey Him because it is ultimately for their best, to keep them from harm and trouble.  The boys have learned that we do what we do because God says so and we trust Him, and because we’ve learned that there is great joy in loving and serving our Savior.  Our faith isn’t only in our heads, but we try to flesh it out every day in every aspect of our lives.  Being careful not to create a legalistic kind of home, as in a “just-do-what-I-say-because-I’m-the-parent” kind of parenting, we have strived to explain the principle behind any rules.  We want them to understand and see the wisdom in doing things God’s way with their hearts, instead of just obeying with their actions.

  * Intentionality in Influence – We were also very diligent and careful as they grew in introducing them to situations, people, resources, etc.  I constantly asked myself, “Will this movie or book or outfit or friend or habit draw my sons closer to God or help pull them away from Him?”  Everything that comes into our lives influences us in one way or another, even seemingly “small” things.  Influence is huge, especially in the lives of young children, and we made sure as parents that the greatest influence being poured into their lives was us teaching them God-honoring ways.    

  * Expectations of Integrity – We have always held high expectations for our boys.  And children generally live up to (or down to) what you expect of them.  That teenagers must go through a time of rebellion, of “sowing their wild oats,” does not match up with Scripture.  Teaching and training children from baby on up that they are responsible for their actions and for living a life of integrity doesn’t change when they become teenagers.  The boys have always been expected to walk at a high standard, God’s standard, regardless of what everybody else around them is doing.  If they are taught that standard from little on up (and in addition, the principles of why we walk according to that standard), they don’t know any different.  

  I don’t wish to imply that our children or our parenting techniques are perfect or without flaws.  We’ve made plenty of mistakes; however, we have found God and His Word to hold true even in the midst of those mistakes.  And we have learned that even mistakes provide opportunities for teaching, within our lives and our children’s lives.  In addition, I recognize that children, regardless of how they’ve been raised, ultimately grow into adults who have minds of their own and make choices of their own – sometimes against everything they’ve ever been taught.  This, too, is yet another opportunity to experience the fact that God is always right.

  Well, I don’t know how well I explained it all or what exactly Eli took from our conversation.  But I do know that he was listening and that he heard my heart that afternoon.  And I trust that God will honor our efforts and teach Eli (and his brothers) the wisdom needed to train their own children in the ways of the Lord.