by Amanda Jasek - Used by permission
To be apart from your child for any length of time is challenging but when days go by it makes the challenge even harder. If
you are like me or know someone living this out, today my hope is that I
can send some encouragement your way through my story and what I have
learned in this six year process.
At only eight months old her daddy and I separated. As in most divorces it was painful, messy and scary. Dealing
with our emotions while deciding what to do with the house, the items
in the house, but most of all, our precious baby would be quite a
journey. How could we agree to go days without seeing her? And so, the divorce/custody process began. After
many lawyer visits, co-parenting counseling and court visits the
decision was made: Mommy’s house Thursday evening to Friday morning and
Daddy’s house from Friday evening to Thursday morning every other week.
Insecurity was huge for me. Questions
of her loving dad and his family more to forgetting me while she was
away were hard. The best of all was, “I’m not really a mom because I
don’t have my child full time.” It wrecked me. Friends and family were scared too and so I prayed. I
remember it so clearly, while I was praying over all these emotions I
felt this inner strength come over me and it became so clear - “I am her
momma no matter where she is.” I realized that no matter how many people we encounter in life, there is no replacing Mommy and Daddy. Realizing my role is where my confidence as a momma began to blossom. Yes
the insecurities still pop up, but God has been and is so faithful to
carry me through into a new vision and strength to carry on.
A few things I practice are:
1. Words. NEVER speak ill of Daddy. He is her heart and I want to nurture that relationship as best I can.
2. Share. If it is my week with her but something important is going on that Dad wants her to be a part of, I am totally OK with it.
3.
Stay engaged. Even though I am not in the home, I keep the relationship
open with her dad so in the event she is sick and needs Mommy I can be
there.
4. Encourage. There are only two people that are going to love this kid alike…. Mom and Dad! Encourage each other of that.
5. Pray. When a child is away from the other parent it is special to cover the other parent in prayers.
6. Honesty. A child is not to be split between parents. Sometimes their heart hurts not being with the other parent and that is OK. Allow honesty to flow.
7. Confidence. Be confident in who you are as the parent which provides security.
8. Structure. What happens at your house does not sway based on what happens at the other home.
9. Talk. If there is something that concerns me I chat with her dad about it.
10. Trust. Trust that the other parent does have the best interest of the child at heart.
11. Together. When
a new person is brought into her dad’s life as I am re-married, the
“mission statement”, if you will, is “you marry him you marry me.” We are two parents, two homes…. one mission.
Each family has its own challenges this I know but I encourage you to be the best that you can be! Pray most, forgive often and embrace each day moment by moment. And
for those times when people ask me where my girl is, I simply reassure
them she is with her daddy because she needs both of us. Most people will react to it the way you respond to it. Be confident and remember no competition is to be had. We each have special roles in her life.
Follow Amanda on her blog at http://2himigo.wordpress.com.
As
the journey of blending a family & co-parenting continue, there are
many growth opportunities Amanda is discovering along the way. With her
determination to know God on an intimate level, and her dedication to
study the Bible, she has learned many truths – some discovered through
tears and some in moments of joy. It
is her passion to share those truths with other women so they too can
experience freedom and obtain courage to continue in the journey of
life. Amanda Jasek has been married to her "love from above" for 3 years. She and her husband, Aaron, reside in VA with their 3 daughters named Alyssa, Stephanie and Madalynn.
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