Marriage Evaluation

Introduction by Julie Druck of York, Pennsylvania

Author of a wonderful e-mail newsletter, "A Heart for Home"- aheartforhome-subscribe@welovegod.org

To view Julie's blog, visit:  www.lifeinskunkhollow.blogspot.com

Used by permission

Several years ago, Marty and I attended a Sweetheart Banquet at our church.  After dinner a guest minister gave a short message on marriage.  He concluded his time by passing out an evaluation sheet that contained questions to answer relating to our marriage relationship.  The minister encouraged the audience to take the evaluations home and spend some time thoughtfully and honestly answering the questions individually.  He then suggested exchanging papers with your spouse and discussing whether you agreed or disagreed with the other’s answers.  The vulnerability such an exercise creates can be uncomfortable, but I found the benefits of the discussion Marty and I had made it worth it!  In case you’d like to evaluate yourself, below you’ll find the questions for wives to answer.  Actually, I’ve found it helpful to go over this list every so often to be encouraged by areas of growth and convicted in areas of slack. 

 

1.) Commitment (Matt. 19:5,6) - A.) Am I committed to stay married, regardless of my feelings or any other circumstances, until we are separated by death?;  B.) Does my husband know that I will never divorce him for any reason?; C.) Next to my relationship with God, is my relationship with my husband the highest priority of my life?; D.) Do I pray faithfully for my husband?

 

2.) Serving (Gal. 5:13) – A. Do I put my husband’s needs and desires ahead of my own?; B.) Do I look for creative ways to please my husband?; C.) Am I content to serve, even when my husband doesn’t seem to notice or appreciate my efforts?

 

3.) Yielding Rights (Phil. 2:5-8) – A. Have I yielded all my expectations concerning my husband to God?; B.) Do I trust God alone to meet all of my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs?; C.) Have I yielded to God my “right” to my own time and independence?

 

4.) Submission (Eph. 5:22-24) – A.) Do I willingly yield to my husband’s authority in all things?; B.) Do I communicate an attitude of submission, as well as submissive actions?; C.) Do I seek my husband’s counsel, rather than acting independently?; D.) Am I teaching our children, by my example and words, to honor and obey their father?

 

5.) Forgiveness (Col. 3:13) – A.) Do I seek to resolve each conflict or misunderstanding as soon as possible?; B.) Am I quick to forgive my husband for his failures, offenses, or insensitivities?; C.) Do I refuse to bring up the past or to hold past failures against my husband?

 

6.) Humility (Phil. 2:3) – A.) Am I quick to admit when I am wrong?; B.) Am I content to not have the last word?: C.) Am I willing to relinquish my “right” to be understood or to prove my point?

 

7.) Patience (I Cor. 13:4) – A. Do I respond graciously to interruptions and irritations?; B.) Am I willing to overlook obvious imperfections in my husband?

 

8.) Sensitivity (Tit. 2:5) – A. Am I sensitive to my husband’s occasional desire to be alone or undisturbed?; B.) Am I sensitive to the best times to tell my husband negative news or to offer suggestions or constructive criticism?

 

9.) Purity (Eph. 5:3-4) – A. Do I keep my mind free from books, magazines, or entertainment that could stimulate fantasizing or thoughts that are not morally pure?; B.) Do I dress modestly, drawing attention to the inner life of Christ, rather than to my physical appearance?

 

10.) Communication (Eph. 4:25,29) – A.) Do I always tell my husband the truth?; B.) Do I avoid sarcasm, hurtful remarks, and public criticism of my husband?; C.) Do I speak words of encouragement and admiration to my husband?; D.) Do I discipline myself not to interrupt or contradict when my husband is talking?

 

11.) Kindness (Eph. 4:32) – A.) Do I treat my husband as graciously as I would a guest?; B.) Do I go out of my way to perform special acts of kindness for my husband?

 

12.) Gratitude (Prov. 31:26) – A.) Do I regularly express appreciation for the sacrifices my husband makes to provide for our family?; B.) Do I praise my husband for spiritual, Christ-like qualities in his life?

 

13.) Loyalty (I Cor. 13:7) – A.) Do I speak positively about my husband to others?; B.) Do I focus on my husband’s successes and positive traits, rather than his weaknesses and failures?; C.) Do I hold in confidence personal matters that my husband shares with me?

 

14.) Acceptance (Rom. 15:7) – A.) Do I love, accept, and admire my husband as he is?; B.) Does my husband feel that he has the freedom to fail, without fear of criticism or rejection?

 

15.) Availability (I Cor. 7:3-5) – A.) Am I willing to adjust my schedule to meet my husband’s desires?; B.) Am I willing to offer physical love to my husband, regardless of my personal feelings or desires?