Teaching Children How to Face Life's Challenges

This idea comes from Chapter 37 in the book The Christian Parenting Handbook by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Used by permission
 
Problems make great opportunities to teach children how to face life’s challenges. There are two kinds of people in the world: solvers and whiners. Whiners complain about life, feel like victims, and believe that others cause their problems. If others would just change, then they’d be happy.

Solvers, on the other hand, look for solutions, recognize that they can impact others, and feel empowered to change life. If they can’t solve the problem themselves, they know where to go to get solutions.

Helping children move from being whiners to being solvers starts in the way they talk about problems or bring them to their parents. The very words they use are important. When Johnny comes into the kitchen and says, “I’m hungry,” try saying, “Johnny, that’s focusing on the problem. Tell me the solution.”

Johnny’s response can be, “Mom, could I please have a snack?” That’s using words to focus on the solution. Don’t wait for the whiny voice to indicate a complaining heart. Look for word cues and you’ll be able to bring about change more quickly and effectively.

When Lori yells, “I can’t find my boots!” that’s focusing on the problem. It would be better for her to say, “Dad, would you please help me find my boots?”

Maybe you think this is only semantics. But the words children use to bring problems to their parents can mean all the difference in the way they view themselves and the world. Whining is often the sign of a victim mentality. Children who believe they’re victims are often angry and resentful because everyone else is the cause of their problems. They don’t believe they can change anything, so they may as well just complain about it.

Remember that frustration can be a great teacher and provides internal motivation to find a solution. When parents solve too many problems, children come to rely on parental solutions because it’s the easy way out.

Philippians 2:14 talks about having a good attitude with tasks when it says, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” That’s great advice for the family.