by Kristen Welch - Used by permission
When
my family moved a few miles away to a smaller town last year, we
swapped a huge school district for a smaller, more rural one, a push
mower for a broken down riding one that my hubby fixed and city sewage
for our very own septic system (just don’t play in the sprinklers). And while we are still close to The City (and by city, I mean Target and Chick Fil A), it was time we two-stepped over to the other side–and became a boot-wearing family.
On
the way to the Rodeo a few weeks ago, one of my kids had a nasty,
ungrateful outburst and I was half tempted to leave them in tennis shoes
(the horror), but grace won out. Outfitting our children in cowboy
boots was quite a splurge (hubby and I already had some).
After
a fun day, we drove home, and this same kid’s ugly attitude showed up
again with a bit of entitlement thrown in and it went downhill from
there. There was dysfunctional family activity (so glad my life isn’t a
reality show) and my husband asked for the boots back. This sort of
broke my country heart, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
We
didn’t buy the boots, so we could return them. As a matter of fact, my
hubby couldn’t find the receipt at first and I bit my nails because THIS
PARENTING THING IS SO HARD. We wanted our child to share the joy down
to their feet, but it was the heart that needed the immediate attention.
The said child cried and begged and promised and fretted. And then pulled the grace card: “Why can’t you show me grace?”
I piped up and said, “Buying you the boots in the first place was grace” and then I recounted the earlier behavior.
My
husband put the boots back in the box and stuck them on a high shelf in
the laundry room and said,”If you want the boots, you’ll have to work
for them.” He pointed to the huge mulched areas in the front yard and
then the back. “You have 3 days to pull every weed. I won’t remind you,
it’s up to you. It’s your job if you want it. It pays in boots.”
And that was that.
I wanted to high five my man and sob with my child, all at the same time. Because, lo, the weeds were many.
Our
big yard is muddy and wet and full of weeds and I grimaced at the job,
wondering what my child would choose. I was a silent cheerleader on
their behalf. And my heart soared when I heard the front door click and I
saw my offspring in old clothes sit down for the long hours ahead.
For the next two days, I watched my child work hard and get hands dirty and heart tender.
When
my husband handed back the boots and I heard a true apology on my kid’s
lips, I knew we had all won. “You earned these. I won’t take them away
again.” A certain little cowhand is walking high around here and those
boots means twice as much this time around. Hard work pays off and
changes us in the process.
We live in an entitled
world and whether we like it or not, children in our culture are
consumers. It has become a global issue because they are a captive
audience and the average kid views up to 40,000 commercials a year and
business pour up to 17 billion into that advertising. Source.
If you still doubt, just walk down the Easter aisles in your local
store. Because only a consumer-driven society could take a Savior on a
cross and turn it into a four aisles at the grocery store.
“Marketers want to accomplish two things with our children:
- Awaken and amplify their desire to consume
- Blur the line between wants and needs.” Source
And
this combination is creating a generation of children who aren’t
grateful, who expect everything to be handed to them and don’t really
know how to work and this breeds the greatest enemy of all: discontentment.
Just
look at what our culture has done with holidays. They’ve turned it all
into hoopla and not only is it confusing to our kids to live in a world
of made-up celebrations, it muddies the waters of the Holy ones and
their true intent is lost.
If “true godliness with
contentment is great wealth” (1 Timothy 6:6), then discontentment
leaves of spiritually bankrupt and completely empty.
Honestly,
I don’t blame the kids. As parents, we often foster this mentality with
our own actions. We compare ourselves (and our homes, cars, etc) to
what others have, we let media (and ultimately, advertising) influence
our home by not limiting screen time and we have a hard time deciphering
between needs and wants.
Fighting the entitlement
battle in our home is hard, but here are some things we are doing to
try and live counter-culturally in this area:
We are Asking for Hard Work-
I think many kids in
our culture (my own included) don’t know much
about
hard work. I grew up in a house that worked. We cleaned
and did
yard work every weekend and everyone helped
clean up the kitchen every
night. A few weeks ago, we spent
most of the day in the yard. And the
more my kids
complained, the more I realized how much we had neglected
giving them hard, dirty work. My kids get their
own laundry basket and
take over washing, folding and
putting away their clothes when they turn
8, they take turns
helping clean up in the kitchen and their rooms, but
it was clear to me that a little hard work was needed. I’m
excited to
say a truckload of dirt and rock are sitting in
our driveway right now,
waiting a few hard workers. Oh
parenting, you do come in handy. (Phil
2:14-15)
We aren’t Making Unrealistic Promises-We
regularly tell our kids not to expect us to pay for college. While we
hope to help in some way, we don’t have plans to pay it for their
college education in its entirety. We expect them to work hard now,
focus on their gifted areas, get scholarships, part time jobs, etc, to
contribute. We try not to make them promises that only enhance the
entitlement attitude in our culture or promises we don’t know if we can
keep.
- We are Sticking to Consequences-If we
suggest a consequence, we commit to seeing it thru as often as we can.
I’ve come up with some stupid consequences in my day and have regretted
my rash tongue. But something clicks in our kid when they understand we
are serious about some things.
- We are Limiting Media-Hushing
the voices of our culture that is telling our kids all the stuff they
need comes in part by tuning it out. Media specifically targets our
children to want a lot of stuff they don’t need. We have a TV and
computers and devices, but besides filtering them, we turn them off. My
kids still complain about it, which reinforces exactly why it’s
important.
- We are Exposing Them to the World-I’m
a firm believer that an entitlement attitude is in direct correlation
to perspective. When you’re only looking and thinking about yourself,
you can only see what you want. But when you remove the blinders and see
needs around you and in the world, it alters your perspective. Exposing
our kids to other cultures and how most of the world really lives,
stirs up gratitude like nothing else.
- We are Extending Grace-Living
by a bunch of strict rules and do’s and don’ts isn’t the answer. Being
flexible with your own rules is not only necessary, it’s healthy for
your family. And let’s face it, who doesn’t need extra grace? We are on
the same team.
- We are Examples in our Mistakes-Ouch.
This is the hardest. When I compare and complain, I’m leading by
example. When I am thankful and gracious, they are watching. As I make
mistakes, I’m offering them the greatest lesson. It’s important to admit
when we are wrong and ask for forgiveness when we hurt our kids.
- We are Raising them to Be Different-
I Peter 2:11 Our society has low expectations of kids. We expect
toddlers to get what they want and teens to be rebellious. Instead of
helping our kids fit in every area of their lives (an impossibility,
really), we are encouraging them to go against the flow, reminding them
we’re supposed to be different than the world. They are normal kids and
have longings to fit in-we all do. We just aren’t going to compromise
our beliefs or lives to do so in every circumstance.
- We are Relying on God-
By far, parenting is the hardest job. And honestly, there are so many
days, we don’t know what to do. Our kids belong to God. He loves them
more than we do. He wants to guide us down the hard roads.
Our
family certainly didn’t need new boots, even though we plan to wear
them for years to come. But walking a mile in them taught us a great
lesson in gratitude. Some days we feel like we’ve lost the battle
against entitlement in our home; we are still in the trenches, trying to
figure this all out. But as we reflect on Jesus’ sacrifice and turn our
attention to The Cross, it’s thankfulness for His sacrifice and our
chance at New Life that I want them to grasp the most.
