©Copyright 2006, Brenda Nixon. Used by permission. This tip comes from Brenda's "Daily Discipline" e-tip sent each Wednesday. For this service, helpful articles, books and resources: www.brendanixon.com
Skillful parents - and anyone who works with kids - know that discipline takes into account a child's developmental abilities. The best discipline is adapted to each child's age, needs, and abilities. For example,
Infants fuss and cry when their needs are unmet, want attention, and cannot share.
Toddlers are curiosity-driven, self-absorbed, and struggle for independence and power.
Preschoolers are fickle in friendships, have wild imaginations, want power, and try out new words.
Schoolagers are peer conscious, compare themselves to others, and competitive.
Teens are toddlers in bigger bodies.
To be successful in your daily discipline, I encourage you to consider the normal, albeit challenging, developmental behaviors of kids. Then adapt your expectations accordingly.
Note from Lois: Remember how toddlers love to say, "Me do it!" And how they want to do everything their own way? I heard on Focus on the Family that Teens are simply "Recycled Toddlers!"
Skillful parents - and anyone who works with kids - know that discipline takes into account a child's developmental abilities. The best discipline is adapted to each child's age, needs, and abilities. For example,
Infants fuss and cry when their needs are unmet, want attention, and cannot share.
Toddlers are curiosity-driven, self-absorbed, and struggle for independence and power.
Preschoolers are fickle in friendships, have wild imaginations, want power, and try out new words.
Schoolagers are peer conscious, compare themselves to others, and competitive.
Teens are toddlers in bigger bodies.
To be successful in your daily discipline, I encourage you to consider the normal, albeit challenging, developmental behaviors of kids. Then adapt your expectations accordingly.
Note from Lois: Remember how toddlers love to say, "Me do it!" And how they want to do everything their own way? I heard on Focus on the Family that Teens are simply "Recycled Toddlers!"
COMMUNICATION TIPS FOR BUILDING RESPONSIBLE TEENAGERS
by Jim Burns, PhD. Printed by permission of HomeWord. For additional information on HomeWord, visit www.homeword.com or call 800-397-9725.
No one likes to be nagged. Yet, many parents resort to nagging as a primary – though negative – way to communicate their feelings and desires with their children. In the short-run, negative communication may produce some results, but at the cost of damaging relationships with their kids. Parents with an eye to effective parenting over the long-haul will wisely choose positive communication techniques. Positive communication is vital for building responsible teenagers. Good communication does take work, but if you employ some of the following tips, you’ll be on the road to helping your kids become responsible teenagers.
Actively listen. Listening is the language of love. Listening communicates value, significance and worth. Good listening skills include
• giving a person your undivided attention
• looking past the content of the words, taking notice of tone and body language
• maintaining an accepting and open attitude
• reflective and respectful questioning to help clarify your understanding
• appropriate verbal responses to what is being communicated (i.e. not giving a blank stare, but replying – even if it is something like “I’m not sure what I think about that.”)
Provide clear verbal recognition of behavior – both acceptable and unacceptable. Both genuine praise for good behaviors and responsible actions and fair criticisms of poor behavior and irresponsible actions help to reinforce the importance you place on your kids maturing into responsible adult• giving a person your undivided attention
• looking past the content of the words, taking notice of tone and body language
• maintaining an accepting and open attitude
• reflective and respectful questioning to help clarify your understanding
• appropriate verbal responses to what is being communicated (i.e. not giving a blank stare, but replying – even if it is something like “I’m not sure what I think about that.”)
Be aware of your tone and body language when you speak. Do your best to make sure the message you send is the message you intend
Avoid the “silent treatment.” Silence can wreak havoc on communication and relationships. The use of silence to stifle a conversation or as a weapon to frustrate or hurt your kids is never helpful. Sometimes, however, silence is appropriate to provide time to gather your thoughts. Yet, always communicate the purpose of your silence. For example, a parent might say, “I need some time to consider how to respond. Let’s talk about this at dinner.”
Be aware when emotions are running high. Sometimes a cooling-off period is required in order for good communication to occur.
Express how you feel. Sharing your feelings is important in effective communication.
Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. It’s better to say, “I feel hurt when you don’t follow through on your commitments,” than “You hurt me when you don’t do what you said you’d do.” “I” statements allow you to share your feelings with your kids without blaming them.
Avoid discussion killers: • Put-downs
• Identifying comments or questions as dumb
• Yelling, interrupting or talking-over another person
• Forced talk
Downplay your role as parental authority whenever possible. When it comes to learning responsibility, helping your kids think through issues and learn from their own mistakes is important. Rather than lecturing as the parental authority, try to be a facilitator, helping your kids discover and learn lessons on their own whenever possible. In differences of opinion, help kids think through what they believe and why the believe it. Defend your position without becoming authoritarian or over-emotional, if possible.
In communicating, provide affirmation whenever possible. Everyone needs affirmation!Regular use of statements like, “Great idea,” “That’s so clever,” “I would have never figured that out,” “Way to go,” “Good job,” etc. will cause your kids to grow and thrive.
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