by Brenda Nixon ~ Used by permission
Note from Lois: These tips would work for any age! Good as marriage tips as well!
At times, we’ve all sensed rising tension as we discipline an unruly child. Kids can get cantankerous, we feel frustrated and get angry, arguments explode and reckless words can be said on either side. Here are tips to help ease the tension so you can successfully confront and correct behavior:
1. Talk in a quieter voice. Children, of any age, can easily misinterpret an adult’s higher volume as “being mad” at them. Then they become defensive, yell, and voices spiral into a shouting match. By lowering your voice, you display self-control and help children feel psychologically safe during times of conflict. With my daughters, I found that my calm, assertive voice weakened a storm on the homefront. Remember, you don’t have to scream to discipline.
2. Teach emotional literacy. If you’re annoyed, say so, and if worried, identify that feeling too. Naming your emotions helps children learn about you and to recognize their own feelings as well. Often I’ve said to my daughters, “I’m feeling disrespected” as a forewarning and to teach them about emotions. When kids are “emotionally literate,” they’re more able to tell you how they feel, rather than act out their feelings.
3. Take time out. During a disagreement with my children, I’ve occasionally removed myself briefly from the situation. By going to my room for a pause, I’m able to gain perspective, think through my response, and rejoin my daughters to skillfully correct their behavior. Rather than remaining in a tense situation, engaging in an angry outburst you may regret, and comprising your discipline skills, take a short time out.
©copyright 2006, Brenda Nixon. For helpful articles, books, resources, Brenda's bio, calendar, news and contact info, go to http://www.brendanixon.com/.
THE LORD IS MY PACE SETTER
A version of the Twenty-third Psalm from Japan as quoted in Mother Teresa's Life in the Spirit
The Lord is my pace setter ... I shall not rush.
He makes me stop for quiet intervals.
He provides me with images of stillness which restore my serenity;
He leads me in the way of efficiency
Through calmness of mind and his guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day,
I will not fret, for his presence is here.
His timelessness, his all importance will keep me in balance;
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity
By anointing my mind with his oils of tranquility.
My cup of joyous energy overflows;
Truly harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours,
For I shall walk in the Pace of my Lord and dwell in his house forever.
Note from Lois: These tips would work for any age! Good as marriage tips as well!
At times, we’ve all sensed rising tension as we discipline an unruly child. Kids can get cantankerous, we feel frustrated and get angry, arguments explode and reckless words can be said on either side. Here are tips to help ease the tension so you can successfully confront and correct behavior:
1. Talk in a quieter voice. Children, of any age, can easily misinterpret an adult’s higher volume as “being mad” at them. Then they become defensive, yell, and voices spiral into a shouting match. By lowering your voice, you display self-control and help children feel psychologically safe during times of conflict. With my daughters, I found that my calm, assertive voice weakened a storm on the homefront. Remember, you don’t have to scream to discipline.
2. Teach emotional literacy. If you’re annoyed, say so, and if worried, identify that feeling too. Naming your emotions helps children learn about you and to recognize their own feelings as well. Often I’ve said to my daughters, “I’m feeling disrespected” as a forewarning and to teach them about emotions. When kids are “emotionally literate,” they’re more able to tell you how they feel, rather than act out their feelings.
3. Take time out. During a disagreement with my children, I’ve occasionally removed myself briefly from the situation. By going to my room for a pause, I’m able to gain perspective, think through my response, and rejoin my daughters to skillfully correct their behavior. Rather than remaining in a tense situation, engaging in an angry outburst you may regret, and comprising your discipline skills, take a short time out.
©copyright 2006, Brenda Nixon. For helpful articles, books, resources, Brenda's bio, calendar, news and contact info, go to http://www.brendanixon.com/.
THE LORD IS MY PACE SETTER
A version of the Twenty-third Psalm from Japan as quoted in Mother Teresa's Life in the Spirit
The Lord is my pace setter ... I shall not rush.
He makes me stop for quiet intervals.
He provides me with images of stillness which restore my serenity;
He leads me in the way of efficiency
Through calmness of mind and his guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day,
I will not fret, for his presence is here.
His timelessness, his all importance will keep me in balance;
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity
By anointing my mind with his oils of tranquility.
My cup of joyous energy overflows;
Truly harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours,
For I shall walk in the Pace of my Lord and dwell in his house forever.
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