Childbirth from the Perspective of a Second Grader / Precious Gem

Author unknown
How would you like to be this teacher?

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.  When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment. Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.  Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

       

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.  He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my  camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.  "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man." "They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away.  It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'" "They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.  He was covered in yucky stuff they all said was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

       

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.  I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along!

Precious Gem

by Pat in Virginia - 2003

Years ago, I went to pick up our son, William, from preschool one afternoon and as we walked to the car, I asked him what he learned about today. He said "Oh! we learned about Solatarsus!"

"Solatarsus?" I asked. He looked at me kinda funny. "You know, Solatarsus!", he said. I was still puzzled. Knowing he liked dinosaurs, I asked if solatarsuses were big dinosaurs or little dinosaurs. Obviously frustrated with me he said, "Solatarsus!!! You know! He was the first missionary!" "OH!" I said, "SAUL of TARSUS!" (I should have known better!)