SKILLFUL SPEECH BRINGS BETTER BEHAVIOR
by Brenda Nixon - www.brendanixon.com - Used by permission
Early in my parenting career I thought I was being a positive mom when I smiled and said to my daughter, "Good girl" for an appropriate behavior. Later I smartened up - learning that my vague comments did her little good - what's "good" about a good girl. I learned that naming her cooperative behavior was helpful and assisted her in knowing how to behave. For example, "I like the way you picked up toys" is more helpful than "good girl."
"I like the way you work quietly" helped my daughter repeat her quiet behavior more than if I'd said, "good girl." Using words to describe her appropriate behavior made a healthier, positive mom/daughter relationship. Plus our home was more positive because she knew what appropriate behaviors to repeat.
In your daily discipline, remember to use specific words to encourage a child's appropriate behavior. For example, it's more helpful to say, "I like the way you pick up toys," or "Thanks for sitting down," rather than, "Good girl!" The latter is vague and doesn't give the child helpful feedback. Kids need to hear what they do right so they can repeat it.
In your daily discipline, use words that are specific and helpful to your child and you'll see better behavior.
In your daily discipline, use words that are specific and helpful to your child and you'll see better behavior.
This parenting tip is taken from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. To receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org. Used by permission
Anger is a problem in many families. One of the ways you can address it is by having some honest and even fun conversations about anger in family life. Here's an activity that can launch your family into an interesting discussion. Who knows where the interaction will lead you. You might have this discussion around the dinner table or part of an evening devotion time.
Begin with this statement: Let's all share some pet peeves that we each have. A pet peeve is something that others do that makes you mad or easily irritated. Other people may not be bothered at all but you have a hard time whenever this thing happens.
One mom said, "Here are some of mine. I don't like to see towels on the floor in the bathroom or bedrooms. I get angry when I lose my keys, or when the car gas tank is on E after Dad drives it."
Dad said, "That's interesting. I didn't know that was one of your pet peeves. You know, one of mine is when my tools aren't returned to the toolbox or when you drive my car and don't put the seat back in place."
The kids smiled as they saw their parents expressing pet peeves and were able to think of some themselves, borrowed toys, irritating noises or touching, and being interrupted while on the computer.
Then you might talk about being tolerant and thoughtful of each other. This discussion can be very practical and lead to many helpful thoughts and ideas about anger in daily family life.
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